A Presidential Candidate’s Supporters In New York
The fan bases of presidential candidates are still out in full force supporting their man (or woman). Here are some groups in New York that closely resemble those fan bases:
1. Hillary Clinton Supporters and New York Mets Fans
With every glimmer of hope they see, Hillary supporters and Mets fans think it’s the sign of victory, only to be let down every single time. Even when they win big, like winning a string of primaries or being up 9 games in mid-September, they’re still not the favorite. Then again, when the team you’re cheering on gets in a desperate situation, you can always start crying. Go ahead, just let it out. You might as well now, or once the fall rolls around, you’re just going to be disappointed.
2. Ron Paul Supporters and 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists
They’re not exactly experts about these things, but based on the evidence they’ve seen (several web sites and some flyers hanging up around town), they believe what they’re hearing. In the face of the facts like science, reason, and primary results, they stick to their guns and show up in small numbers to hold up signs and not provide much substance. In some cases, they’re not two similar groups - they’re the same group. They have passion, drive, and the inability to go away despite being completely ignored.
3. Barack Obama Supporters and New York Yankees Fans
Do you blindly love someone despite all of their misdeeds? Do you claim past victories as a justification for the supremacy of your weakened, injured team? Do you think your guys can do no wrong? Is there an evil empire you must defeat in order to claim victory? You must be an Obama supporter… or a New York Yankees fan! So what if your star third baseman and pitcher are injured? So what if you said that people in rural areas cling to guns and religion because they’re bitter? Your team is still the best! The media don’t know what they’re talking about. Yes we can! Yes we can!
4. John McCain Supporters and Tourists Who Stop in the Middle of the Goddamn Sidewalk
“Well, wow, this sure is interesting! I’m just going to go at my own pace and take a few breaks to enjoy the view. That Broadway show was sort of old and tired. It was kind of stiff and middle-of-the-road. You know what? I could’ve settled for a trip to Mount Rushmore or Branson, Missouri instead. Those places are much more majestic and much cleaner than this city. My word, these New Yorkers sure are resiliant people! They experienced a tragedy… like a terrorist attack or being held captive for years in a prison camp… and they still go about their daily lives! Speaking of that, that John McCain guy seems like a nice enough fellow. Sure is better than those latte liberals! Enough about politics, though… time for Olive Garden’s Never-Ending Pasta Bowl!”
Despite the fact that I know this to be true, I have no means to prove it, other than to say, “it is because I said so.” No advertising revenue for me. 
