A Presidential Candidate’s Supporters In New York

The fan bases of presidential candidates are still out in full force supporting their man (or woman). Here are some groups in New York that closely resemble those fan bases:

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1. Hillary Clinton Supporters and New York Mets Fans

With every glimmer of hope they see, Hillary supporters and Mets fans think it’s the sign of victory, only to be let down every single time. Even when they win big, like winning a string of primaries or being up 9 games in mid-September, they’re still not the favorite. Then again, when the team you’re cheering on gets in a desperate situation, you can always start crying. Go ahead, just let it out. You might as well now, or once the fall rolls around, you’re just going to be disappointed.

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2. Ron Paul Supporters and 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists

They’re not exactly experts about these things, but based on the evidence they’ve seen (several web sites and some flyers hanging up around town), they believe what they’re hearing. In the face of the facts like science, reason, and primary results, they stick to their guns and show up in small numbers to hold up signs and not provide much substance. In some cases, they’re not two similar groups - they’re the same group. They have passion, drive, and the inability to go away despite being completely ignored.

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3. Barack Obama Supporters and New York Yankees Fans

Do you blindly love someone despite all of their misdeeds? Do you claim past victories as a justification for the supremacy of your weakened, injured team? Do you think your guys can do no wrong? Is there an evil empire you must defeat in order to claim victory? You must be an Obama supporter… or a New York Yankees fan! So what if your star third baseman and pitcher are injured? So what if you said that people in rural areas cling to guns and religion because they’re bitter? Your team is still the best! The media don’t know what they’re talking about. Yes we can! Yes we can!

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4. John McCain Supporters and Tourists Who Stop in the Middle of the Goddamn Sidewalk

“Well, wow, this sure is interesting! I’m just going to go at my own pace and take a few breaks to enjoy the view. That Broadway show was sort of old and tired. It was kind of stiff and middle-of-the-road. You know what? I could’ve settled for a trip to Mount Rushmore or Branson, Missouri instead. Those places are much more majestic and much cleaner than this city. My word, these New Yorkers sure are resiliant people! They experienced a tragedy… like a terrorist attack or being held captive for years in a prison camp… and they still go about their daily lives! Speaking of that, that John McCain guy seems like a nice enough fellow. Sure is better than those latte liberals! Enough about politics, though… time for Olive Garden’s Never-Ending Pasta Bowl!”


Where Big Bone Goes Into Beaver

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(It’s in Kentucky.)


This Blog is Not Brought To You By Amstel Light

I got an e-mail today from an online media planner asking for detailed information on my blog’s audience. She was looking to promote an event for Amstel Light. More specifically, she was looking for an affadavit with proof that my blog is LDA Compliant - in other words, proof that 70% of my blog’s readership is over the legal drinking age of 21.

amstel.jpgDespite the fact that I know this to be true, I have no means to prove it, other than to say, “it is because I said so.” No advertising revenue for me. 

So, unfortunately, since they can’t advertise on my blog, I’ll just simply make an endorsement of the product. They can’t stop me from doing that.

So drink Amstel Light! It’s delicious! It’s refreshing! It’s the beer drinker’s light beer…

… for those beer drinkers who enjoy drinking European pisswater.

Drink American!


Mind-Blowing Facts from Music Choice

Have you ever listened to those music channels in the 600s on Time Warner? I’m a sucker for some of these (especially the 90s channel), but the on-screen displays are getting a little ridiculous. Here’s one I caught when flipping through the channels:

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Personally, I prefer my sandwiches without bread. But what do I know? I’m not a country star.


Yes, I Blogged About Radio

Check out Neighborbee for my latest post about radio in New York. Yes, I know there’s more on the radio than rock and oldies. I’ll get to it eventually, but if I tried to write about every single radio station on the dial, I’d have to write a short novel.


Triviotic: Last Night’s Answers

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Last night was another great night of Triviotic at Arrow Bar. It also happened to be Cinco De Mayo, so yours truly wore a sombrero to deliver the questions. I’m sure there are photos of my ridiculous hat circulating.

The winning team got that hat, and a bar tab. Congratulations to the winners of last night’s Triviotic and the Most Inappropriate Team Name of All-Time Contest… In That Hat, Chris Should Build Me a Deck. They narrowed out In Kwotes, The New Class by 3 points. Also in the running: Fuck You, We Don’t Need a Witty Name, Glacial Pace, and My Pet Hamster Needs Valtrex.

Thanks to everyone who came out last night. Be sure to come out next week for another exciting edition of Triviotic! (RSVP by Monday on Facebook and you’ll get a preview of one of the questions.) Now, the questions and answers (after the jump)…

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Everyone and Everything is Famous

In the world of the 24-hour news cycle and celebrity blogging, everyone is famous in their own right.

But how can Plan B, a restaurant in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn that’s been open just over a week, claim on their menu that their burger is “famous?”

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Of course, by blogging about this, am I feeding into the frenzy? Probably.

For the record, the burger was all right - I think other cheeses (cheddar, blue, gruyere) would work better stuffed inside a burger. The burger was definitely overshadowed by the fries that accompanied it. Their parmesean garlic fries use real shredded parmesean cheese and freshly chopped garlic. They stink up the place - not to mention your breath - but they are quite possibly the most delicious french fries I’ve ever tasted.

Their fries should be famous, not their burger. But let’s get real: neither can be famous after a week.


Change is Good, But Useless Change is Bad

I ran into a bodega in Brooklyn on Saturday to grab a snack. The bag of chips cost $1.29. I paid with two dollars. I correctly recieved 71 cents in change.

Did I get two quarters, two dimes, and a penny? No.

Did I get two quarters, four nickels, and a penny? No.

Did I get seven dimes and a penny? No.

Did I get six dimes, two nickels, and a penny? No.

To my surprise, this is what the cashier handed me:

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A half-dollar! Who knew these things were even in circulation anymore? I have no idea how I’m going to be able to use this thing without getting strange looks - or without getting arrested.


The Friday Finisher: Right Now, You’re Reading a Blog Post

Rest in Peace, Friday Funnies. Welcome to the Friday Finisher… a dumping ground for links, videos, and all the half-baked ideas I had during the week.

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I have no idea why the Spanish version of the Blossom theme is funny. It just is.

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Lozo has acquired a bad case of grammarnazitis. Being afflicted with such a condition myself, I know that the road to recovery is a long one. The simplest treatment is an immersion therapy where the subjects are exposed to written communication exclusively by text message.

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I watched an episode of The Jetsons on Boomerang last week. In the episode, Jane Jetson is offered driving lessons. Her instructor immediately cowers in fear upon learning that he will be instructing a woman. The lesson is a disaster, and results in Jane’s unknowing aiding and abetting of a criminal, despite the fact that her “instructor” was abruptly replaced with one who carried a bag of money out of a bank. The key lessons learned in the episode (which originally aired in 1963): women are stupid, women can’t drive, and in the end, women are better off in the kitchen serving dinner to their macho husbands. I definitely watched these episodes as a kid. It’s no wonder I still fear getting into a car with my mom behind the wheel.

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Does anyone remember thinking how cool this video for Peter Gabriel’s “Steam” was back in 1993? I used to swear that it was the best music video of all time. Upon revisiting it today, I think the producer’s concept was, “hey, let’s take every piece of technology available to us to make a creepy music video with a ton of obvious sexual innuendo.”

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Ever have one of those dreams when you’re back in high school again without any explanation? Usually, they’re just flashbacks, but in my dream last night, I received a call from someone saying that because of a fluke, my and my classmates’ diplomas were deemed null and void. We had to go back to high school. And you know what was the most intimidating part of the dream? The awkward social situations? The cruelty of other classmates? No, the schoolwork.

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And since nearly everything in this Friday Finisher is a flashback to my childhood, here’s a kickass music video to kick your weekend off right:

Funny thing is, virtually everything in the video still holds true. Among those that hold true, unfortunately, is “Right Now, Van Halen is planning a world tour.”

Avagoodwon. See you back here Monday for a preview of Triviotic.


New York Just Wants to Party

The weather is heating up, and it looks like New York is ready to party, given these scenes this week in my neighborhood.

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What’s your favorite sign of summer in New York?