east village idiot

Call them the New York Giants.

Do not call them the New York Football Giants.

The New York Baseball Giants have not existed for more than half a century. Not only is the baseball-versus-football distinction unnecessary, but more than two-thirds of the people in this country weren’t even alive when the New York Baseball Giants played. And the other third of the people in this country are either fully aware that the New York Baseball Giants no longer exist, or are suffering from crippling Alzheimer’s that confuses into believing they still do exist, because you keep referring to the damn football team as the New York Football Giants.

Yes, the New York Football Giants may be their corporate name, but when was the last time you heard a business journalist refer to AT&T as “The American Telephone & Telegraph Company?” Yeah, never, because it’s a moniker that makes the company sound like an outdated behemoth. And I think Giants fans would prefer to use only one of those two words when describing their team.

Also, I don’t think anyone is going to get the New York Football Giants and the New York Baseball Giants confused when you’re talking about Super Bowl XLII, you farking idiots. Unless, unbeknownst to me, Eli Manning has been pulled off the New York Giants‘ roster in favor of Willie Mays at quarterback.

Thank you.

BEST GOOGLE SEARCH TERM USED TO FIND MY BLOG: people who have sex with sabres players. For the record, I have never had sexual relations with Maxim Afinogenov, but I will admit… he does have a pretty cool name.

Sorry for all the MTA Fare Hike news today, but that really just grinds my gears.

So, to all those looking for something non-specific to New York City today, here it is:

I was in Brooklyn on Friday night, and decided to scroll through the on-screen program guide to see what was on TV. And I was surprised to learn that C-Span apparently has a sports department.

Wow! I knew the NHL was desperate for some national television exposure, but I had no idea they’d turn to C-Span 2. Maybe there was a live presidential debate during intermission. Or perhaps Al Gore was addressing the crowd from the Zamboni, warning that with the world’s ice pack melting, the end of hockey is near.

My best guess? The Senate Foreign Relations committee suited up as the starting line for the Washington Capitals in a goodwill gesture to the nation of Canada. At Center, Chuck Hagel! In goal, “Big Ben” Cardin! At Defense, Barack Obama and John Kerry (they’re always on the defensive)! And naturally, Joe Biden and Dick Lugar at Left and Right Wing, respectively.

My jaw dropped when I saw this hat at the New Era store on West 4th Street. For a second, I thought I was going color blind. Let me assure you: I was not, and neither are you.

Your eyes are not deceiving you. That is a Yankees hat in the Mets’ blue and orange. Why anyone would wear this hat is beyond my comprehension. Unless you just “root for a good game.” Or you’re a New Yorker who was a Mets fan in 1986, but you miraculously discovered you were a Yankees fan in 1996.

The fact that they even sell such a hat is a travesty. Even worse, I am certain that someone owns this hat, and that someone might even wear it proudly.

Is the big game sold out? Are the scalpers charging an arm and a leg? Is everyone fresh out of extra tickets? Well, here’s a solution I saw in the parking lot at Notre Dame Stadium over the weekend:

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HATE DANE COOK - I think you’ll enjoy one of my recent posts on SportsBlahg, even if you’re not a sports fan, and especially if you find him as unfunny as I do. Enjoy. [SportsBlahg]

I DON’T MEAN TO BRAG, BUT… - I AM GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES! Games 3 and 4. I’d like to think that I’m dreaming, but pinching me is not nearly as painful as the $516 price tag of the tickets.

BE A GOOD SPORT AND READ MY OTHER BLOG - Work is going by quickly today. Typically, that would be great, but today, I have too much work to do and far too little time for it. Luckily for you, I spent the weekend developing a new blog. For those of my readers who aren’t sports fans, rejoice! I won’t be writing about sports much here anymore. For those of my readers who are sports fans, check out the new site, and enjoy the posts from a ragtag group of contributors that I pulled together. [SportsBlahg.com]

Their names aren’t the only thing they have in common.

Ralphie from A Christmas Story and Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson, Jr.

Although, given their ages, that would have to be the longest amount of time spent in labor ever.

I never would’ve thought that I could hate a group of fans more than Yankees fans. Of course, I hate Yankees fans because I have to… I’m sure most of them are fine, upstanding individuals, and they’re probably well-versed in baseball.

Unlike Angels fans.

I have never had more insults tossed at me at a baseball game before in my life. Unlike Yankees fans, who actually work hard on their insults, Angels fans are just idiots. For example:

- One Angels fan shouted at us - twice - “don’t know if you’re aware, but all Boston’s known for is chowder, sauerkraut, and sucking dick.”

- A group of Angels fans kept calling a guy who was sweating profusely a “fag,” simply because he was sweating. I was unaware that only gays sweat in 85-degree heat.

- An Angels Usher came down to our section to confiscate a Red Sox fan’s “Believe in Boston” flag… while conveniently ignoring a pro-Angels banner (also prohibited in the stadium) two sections away. Do we have video of this incident? You bet!

In the end, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the Yankees lose tonight.