east village idiot

Hi there, folks. It’s been a while since I’ve posted of substance here. Miss me much? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Okay, so, I’d love to tell you some crazy stories or share some pretty pictures with you, but instead, here’s some words.

What I’ve Been Up To

- In what is becoming a dangerous trend among my friends, I got mugged. It happened a block from my apartment. Dude pulled a knife on me, got away with my backpack with my iPod and gym shoes, and took my debit card and license. New Yorkers welcomed me to the club. ”Future New Yorkers” were scared off and don’t want to come here anymore. If I kept one slow tourist off the sidewalk, I am satisfied.

- I went on vacation to Seattle and Portland. I drank coffee, explored the local culture, and appeared on local Seattle radio (fast forward 21 minutes in). I tasted a total of 94 beers in 7 days. I promptly returned home and vowed not to drink any beer again for a long time. By “a long time,” I apparently meant 48 hours.

- In the span of the first 24 hours back in New York after vacation, I had my luggage misplaced, lost my phone, got a jury duty summons, and got into a car accident… coincidentally, on the very same block where I got mugged. You couldn’t make this stuff up.

- I’ve discovered that a lot more people know of this blog than I first thought. This was especially true after three people at work, upon learning of my association with this blog, exclaimed, “you’re the East Village Idiot?” This was after not posting for several weeks.

- I started another blog, where I’ve already managed to drum up controversy and a response from a prominent New York City lobbyist.

- I complained profusely about the rain. I grew a beard in early June, pledging not to shave it off until we had two consecutive days without rain. I didn’t get to shave it until June 30th, and I was quite grateful when I could, because I was starting to look Amish.

What I Recommend Doing

- Go to Destination Bar & Grille at 13th and A. It just opened a couple weeks ago and it’s become my new favorite spot. It’s an unpretentious kind of place without the quirks that some bars find necessary to draw people in. The vibe is great, the jukebox can please everyone without offending anyone, and there are lots of nooks and crannies for hiding from that ex-girlfriend who just walked in. Plus, soon, there will be a bacon-heavy food menu. Did I mention they have jello shots? The kicker: there’s a postcard on the wall in the men’s room of a building in Warwick, Rhode Island that my grandfather built. Fate brought me and this bar together, friends.

- Visit the High Line. Look, I know a lot of people think this is going to turn into some private park debacle in a few years. But as someone who volunteers for them, I can assure you: not over my dead body. If you’ve heard stories about people waiting in line to get up there, we’re not doing it to spoil your fun, there’s actually a maximum occupancy that was required because of fire codes. And the wait in line is well worth it for such a unique perspective of the city.

- Go to The Pony Bar at 45th and 10th. Yes, it’s a haul to go all the way to 10th Avenue. But the payoff is some great beer. With 20 drafts and 2 casks, all priced at a meager $5, it’s well worth the trip. Plus, if you drink 100 different beers, you get an embroidered shirt and the opportunity to do video beer reviews for their web site. That’s a lot of beer to try, but I’ve managed to work my way up to 25 already.

Okay, I promise I won’t neglect this blog as much now that it’s summer time. Also, you can follow me on Twitter if you’re really dying for your East Village Idiot fix.

Is this an offer, or a threat?

Laundromat, 9th between 1st and A

Hello there. I kicked this site to the curb last week, and it finally found its way back to me today. So here goes nothing.

The latest in “no, you’re doing it wrong.” Seriously, this is not a difficult one.  You could get accessories right, but not coffee?

In case you were ever wondering what operating system the screens in the back of the cabs run on… now you know. I learned this last night, and it took nearly my entire $7 cab ride for the whole thing to reboot. Way to go, Microsoft.

This photo looks pixelated, but it’s not. The sign is. Hey, Town Tavern, next time you blow money on a 10-foot-high banner, why don’t you create a source image that’s a little bit bigger than a web banner?

I may or may not be responsible for creating a Fake Julio Lugo Twitter stream.  I am most certainly not responsible for the Fake Michael Kay Twitter stream, but it’s even more hilarious. My own Twitter stream, however, has been described by one of my followers as “like being on a virtual pub crawl.”

14th St. & 1st Ave., 8:30am.

Good Riddance!

Enjoy amateur night. I’ll be back in 2009.

Ever wonder how the Palin family comes up with baby names? Stream of Consciousness, of course! 

(more…)

1st Avenue, 8:27pm.

Hi there. Last week was a busy week with the holidays and such. And by “such,” I mostly mean drinking. This has sent up some red flags with my mind and my liver to LAY THE FUCK OFF. Especially after coming home on Friday night at 2am and deciding it was a good idea to go back out. Barely anything good happens after 1am, but nothing good happens after 2am.

Speaking of being out late, it appears that nobody is working this week except me. I make this judgment based on the number of drunk people passing by my building tonight, and the bass from the music vibrating the entire building a couple floors above me. To those of you who will be sleeping in while I spend the slowest week of the entire year in a cubicle twiddling my thumbs and organizing my desk, I hope you come home alone, your sleep is restless, and you have a nasty hangover all day.

So, what did I do for the holidays? Well, I spent it with my family and received several nice gifts. But thanks to my family’s new addition, I had to stay in a hotel by the Providence Airport. This would have been perfect if I had also gotten a hooker for Christmas. Unfortunately, I did not get a hooker for Christmas (although prostitution is legal in Rhode Island), I did not get laid at all, and the icing on the cake was finding out that my crush during my college years had a crush on me, too. Ain’t that a kick in the head? I can laugh about that now, since she came to me for relationship advice. Of course, coming to me for relationship advice is probably a reflection of her poor judgment, so it might have been for the better.

As a New England Patriots fan, I’d like to thank the New York Jets for making January - easily the worst month of the year - even worse by giving me no reason to watch playoff football. At least I’ll get a lot of sleep, and I probably won’t drink a lot.

Then again, it looks like my plan to lay off the booze just got a jumpstart by Brett Favre. Maybe he is good for something other than throwing interceptions.

Finally, this video is not particularly funny, until it is, at which point it also gets kind of creepy.

53rd & 7th, 12:15pm.

(Presumably, we are commuting to lunch.)

THE BEST THING I’VE SEEN ALL WEEK - Ladies and gentlemen, let me present you with a new blog for your reading pleasure: Fuck You, Penguin. [Fuck You, Penguin]