east village idiot

In the interest of journalistic integrity, I should say that they caught the alleged bastard. There has been an arrest in Sunday morning’s shooting, according to NY1.

Great work by the detectives at the 9th Precinct. I pray that Taz Pagan’s killer is brought to justice for the sake of his children, his family and friends, and our community.

The U.S. just had its first Swine Flu death. It was a 23 month-old. 

The natural media reaction? PANIC! God forbid they give a little perspective. Here’s some:

According to the CDC, 55 other children in the U.S. have died this season from strains of flu that don’t have the word “swine” in them. 83 died last year. 68 died the year before that. And that’s just children. Throw adults in the mix and there are roughly 20,000 deaths from the flu every year in the U.S. There were no breaking news reports about any of these deaths.

CALM. THE EFF. DOWN.

May 7, 1997:

- I was a sophomore in high school.
- I was taking trigonometry, little of which I remember.
- I was probably on the bench at a varsity baseball game.
- I had an online journal on Geocities.
- My ISP was Prodigy Classic.
- I was running a 486-200 with a 240MB hard drive.
- We had just upgraded it to 8MB of RAM so we could run Windows 95.
- I had bad skin and even worse hair.
- I wore nothing but cargo pants.
- I had never even tasted an alcoholic beverage.
- I was a virgin.
- I had been to New York City once.
- I was really getting into Ben Folds Five’s Whatever and Ever Amen CD.

Patrick Smith, author of Ask The Pilot, makes a plea to the media in the wake of yesterday’s emergency landing in the Hudson:

While not to downplay the seriousness of what happened — or what could have happened — I will ask the media to please refrain from spinning this accident into too big a spectacle. I’m annoyed by the consistent references to “a miracle.” The pilots did an exemplary job under great pressure, and the results were quite fortunate, but they did what they had to do, and what they were trained to do. To hyperdramatize the event is, I think, to cheapen it, and it disrespects the memories of those in past accidents who were not so lucky. Granted, a jetliner crashing into the Hudson River is going to be, and should be, a major story. But some perspective, please. Nobody was killed.

On Tuesday, there were people outside my office handing out free copies of the Wall Street Journal. Each copy came wrapped with a sponsorship message.

Conveniently, this kept the content of the newspaper hidden.

Personally, I like the top version better.

Sheldon Silver killed Congestion Pricing. Enjoy your massive budget deficit, MTA. [SAS]

Reader Brooklyn Gal pointed out that a face that’s been in the news lately looks a lot like… a face that’s been in the news lately.

On left, baby Daniella, the 6-month-old baby girl who was dropped off at a firehouse by a livery cab driver in Queens. On right, Presidential Candidate and Illinois Senator Barack Obama.

Maybe it’s the ears.

Forbes just put out a list of the 10 most miserable cities in the country. Guess who’s #4? New York City! Let’s take a look at our company:

10. Providence, RI: I grew up here. I had a pretty miserable childhood. So there you go.

9. Charlotte, NC: Highlights of Charlotte: sitting in a rocking chair at the airport, and… uh… yeah, that’s about it.

8. Modesto, CA: Home of Gary Condit and Scott Peterson. Yeah, that would make me proud to call Modesto home.

7. Los Angeles, CA: The good news: you live four blocks from the ocean! The bad news: you’ll spend an hour sitting in traffic trying to get to it!

6. Chicago, IL: How can they be so miserable? They’ve got Chicago Dogs and Deep Dish Pizza! And da Cubs! Da Bears! Da Bulls! Oh, right.

5. Philadelphia, PA: Killadelphia isn’t as miserable as New York? I don’t know about you, but the constant thought of getting gunned down on the street while eating an artery-clogging cheesesteak would make me pretty damn miserable.

4. New York, NY: I keep wondering why Forbes chose our fair city as #4. All I can think is that someone at Forbes has been reading my blog too much. I’m not miserable! I just complain a lot!

3. Flint, MI: Fun fact! Did you know that the two least-common words in Flint are ”now hiring?”

2. Stockton, CA: According to Wikipedia, the four events of historical significance in Stockton are the completion of the port and deepwater channel, Charles Manson family members living in Stockton, the 1989 Cleveland Elementary School shooting, and the closure of Stockton’s naval reserve center.

1. Detroit, MI: This is the space where I would make a joke, but somehow, it just doesn’t feel right. Making fun of Detroit would be like beating up a cripple.

January 21: Still baffled by 2007’s maple syrup and natural gas smells, a new scent wafts through New York City. The scent is White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor, placed in a large container in the Hudson River that corrects its spray to prevailing winds.

February 29: I am forced to move to Brooklyn after the rent on my 3-bedroom, 650 sq. ft. East Village apartment rises 85% to $5500/month. After I move out, the apartment sits on the market vacant for six months, and I become a phony by maintaining my blog’s current title.

March 2: The MTA fare hike goes into effect. Coincidentally, the same day, a freak rainstorm shuts down service on the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, J, L, M, N, Q, R, V, and W trains, as well as the Times Square and Franklin shuttles. Strangely, the Z train remains running just fine.

April 16: The Knicks lose 108-67 to the Indiana Pacers and finish the season with a record of 10-72. Isiah Thomas is still not fired.

May 2: Mayor Mike Bloomberg buys out an entire night’s worth of primetime television on all three networks to campaign for president. He also pays $200 million to hire back the entire cast of Seinfeld to perform an all-new episode with a twist that leads to George Costanza endorsing him for president.

June 11: In a strange twist of fate, the T-Mobile store in the West Village that replaced the infamous rat-infested Taco Bell itself becomes infested by rats.

July 20: Former New York Yankee Jim Leyritz goes 3-for-4 with 2 HRs and 5 RBIs in the annual Everglades State Prison softball game in Miami.

August 8: After a week with highs in the low 70s, the high temperature in New York soars to an all-time record of 112 degrees. Then the power goes out, and it’s 1977 all over again.

September 19: The Mets begin their annual season-ending ten-game losing streak.

October 25: A complete media frenzy takes place as the temperature drops below 32 degrees in New York City for the first time this season. WCBS devotes full round-the-clock coverage of “ICED IN 2008.”

November 7: President-elect Mike Huckabee announces his plan to evacuate Staten Island permanently so it can be repurposed. Its new name will be “Island of the Lost AIDS Patients.”

December 31: The new energy-efficient Times Square ball malfunctions after one of its LED lights burns out. You know what they say: one light goes out, all 9,576 go out.

Hey, did you know that it’s almost winter? Apparently, nobody here did. Two inches of snow fell in North Jersey and they cancelled school there.

I think wall-to-wall media coverage of snowstorms is turning us into pussies. The top story on WNBC.com: Snow Snarls N.J. Commute. The story is accompanied by stunning photographs of a dusting of snow on cars and grass in a parking lot. In the story, they say, “most snow accumulations across [Northern New Jersey] will be limited to grassy surfaces.” That’s right… snow that’s not even sticking to the roads is snarling traffic on the roads.

It’s supposed to snow this time of year. How is this news?