east village idiot

I had the day off from work today. Clearly, I only took it off because I wanted to watch Bob Barker’s final show as host of The Price is Right while I marvel at my manicure (that’s a story for another day). A lot of people have suggested that Bob Barker is a cranky old man, but here’s proof that deep down inside, he has a softer side… a forgiving side:

Have a great weekend, and help control the pet population: have your pet spayed or neutered. Goodbye, everybody.

It’s pretty much just Mitch Hedberg’s greatest lines - in cartoon form. Here’s an old clip from Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist.

I got nothin’ today. Have a good weekend. I’m off to play the ponies.

It’s almost quittin’ time on Friday! Time to pack up for the weekend, lay out in the sun, and crank up some chill tunes, like this one by Pearl Jam:

…or some other tune that you might actually be able to sing along to. I had a roommate in college who practically worshipped Pearl Jam. Unfortunately, he also insisted on singing along to every Pearl Jam ever written… in the vocal stylings of Eddie Vedder. And on top of this, he was tone deaf. It kind of sounded like two wild animals in heat in a Seattle coffeeshop.

Anyway, that’s it for the week. I’ll catch you next week, when I might actually give a damn.

In my travels, I lived in Vermont for about a year and a half (and before you ask: no, not on a commune, thank you very much). If there’s one thing that becomes clear as soon as you cruise the streets of Burlington, it’s that Vermont is pretty freaking white bread.

But this proves once and for all just how white bread Vermont is:

Enjoy the holiday weekend, folks. And have a slice of Cabot cheddar for these boys… extra sharp.

So, roughly a dozen people sent me this clip this week, insisting that I put it on my blog. That’s nice, people, but since it’s been on every web site known to man over the past three days, I see no point in doing that. But I will post a spoof of it!

I’ll try to keep you all amused more next week… I’ve been a little distracted, and with good reason. Unfortunately, I can’t talk about that reason for at least a couple of weeks. And that is all I have to say about that.

That’s all for this week… have a great weekend, and watch out for those breakdancers.

The weekend is finally in sight! It’s been a long week, and all I really want at 5:00 today is a stiff drink.

Feel free to celebrate the same way, but watch your alcohol intake. Especially if you’re on four legs.

There are plenty of surprises in store for next week, so hold tight until Monday. Have a great weekend!

You know, the first thing I want to do when I come home wasted is take off my shirt, lay on the floor, and eat a cheeseburger. Thankfully, it appears that I’m not alone.

Have a great weekend. And Hoff, save a burger for me!

And while you’re waiting for next week’s posts, take a look at a post from one year ago this week, when a friend called me drunk and lost in Washington, DC. Hilarity ensued.

I’ve brought in some relics of my alma mater’s TV station in the past, and I’m going to do it again. Most of these folks are too young to even remember a second of the Reagan era, but I won’t hold that against them, because they made this brilliant sketch, entitled If Google Was Real. Enjoy.

On a side note, a lack of communication on the part of a work colleague this afternoon led me to miss out on Yankees-Red Sox tickets. This, on top of the rain, makes me very, very unhappy today. So get the hell out of my way, I’m going home, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.

Have a great weekend. I’ll catch you all on the flip side.

It’s going to be in the 70s this weekend here in New York! I’m so elated that I feel like a kid again. So, I know it’s a cop-out for the Friday Funnies, and you’ve probably seen it before, but here’s a little bit of The Muppet Show for your Friday:

Enjoy your weekend. I’ll be dragged back from the weekend on Monday, kicking and screaming. Peace out.

You might have heard about the coyote that somehow ended up in a Quizno’s in Chicago last week. What was the first thing I thought of? This ad:

There was a much more vulgar version of this ad, where the man is literally sucking the teet of the mother wolf. If you happen to come across it, please let me know.

By the way, if you haven’t already, you should add me as your MySpace friend. I promise I won’t send you nasty messages, or post “127 things you didn’t [need to] know about me” bulletins.

Have a fantastic weekend.