east village idiot

I went to a beer festival over the weekend and was inebriated enough to tempt fate by breaking the rules.

Price of a slice of cheese pizza on Ray’s Pizza’s 45th anniversary: 45 cents
Regular price of a slice of cheese pizza at Ray’s Pizza: $2.50
Savings per slice on Ray’s Pizza’s 45th anniversary: $2.05
Length of wait in line: roughly 40 minutes
Hourly wage needed in order to make saving $2.05 worth 40 minutes of waiting in line: $3.08 (less than half of New York’s minimum wage)
At minimum wage, number of slices needed in order to justify 40 minutes of waiting in line: 3
Based on New York City median income, number of slices needed in order to justify 40 minutes of waiting in line: 8
Average number of slices each customer carried out (based on one minute of observation): 2
Number of people who were wasting their time in this line: all of them, except that one homeless guy who usually hangs out on the corner

The Blimpie on 4th Avenue and 13th Street is looking for a salesgirl. I guess the position of salesboy has already been filled.

Via Gothamist:

Drop Off Service, Planet Rose, Forbidden City, Common Ground, Habibi Lounge, and Superdive will donate 50% of their register on Monday, Aug. 31 (all day and night) to set up a college fund for Pagan’s children, a 14-year-old daughter and a 17-year-old son whom he adopted when the boy’s mother died.

Passers-by in Madison Square might think that Shake Shack has a new competitor. Nearby residents may be afraid that the city is commercializing their public spaces again.

No worries. Taj Ma Hot Dog is just part of a set for the show Ugly Betty. Who said that LA was the only place where everything is fake?

After all, Broadway also has this storefront just a few blocks south.

In the span of a weekend, 12 Dunkin Donuts franchises across the city became New York’s first Tim Horton’s locations. For those of you who have never lived in Canada (or near the Canadian border), Tim Horton’s is to Canada what Dunkin Donuts is to New England. In other words: delicious.

Of course, Dunkin Donuts needs to defend its turf, and this morning, they were out in full force, just steps from the front door of the new Tim Horton’s at 50th and 7th.

Let the donut wars begin.

Sorry, I’ve been away for the past few days. Here’s a collection of some of the things I’ve consumed in the past five days, and why I shouldn’t eat anything ever again:

I went to Flip today for lunch, and I pretty much echo AHT’s review. All right, but not worth the price. Their definition of “medium” seems to vary depending on whose burger they’re cooking. Meat was a little more flavorful than I think AHT experienced on day 1. Too many fancy-pants toppings and buns that are unnecessary when you’re serving Pat LaFrieda meat.

The milkshake, however, was pretty damn good. And freaking huge. After this and my mutton chop last night, my body hates me right now, and I may be on the verge of developing gout.

A new branch of the takeout joint Kool Bloo opened in the East Village a few weeks ago at the corner of 12th and Avenue A. Thanks to Kool Bloo, I nearly lost my fingers. They gave our building some obnoxious menus hanging on a piece of bent wire on the front doorknob, keeping the door from completely closing, and forcing me to shove the menus back out the door behind me each time I came in.

This, however, did not weigh on my decision to never order from Kool Bloo. Their prices did. Unless the food they serve comes with a side of pure gold, I cannot fathom how they charge so much and stay in business. Here is a sampling of their menu and comparable items at other East Village eateries:

Regular Philly Cheese Steak at Kool Bloo: $9.95
Regular Philly Cheese Steak at 99 Miles to Philly (12th & 3rd): $6.95

Five Mozzarella Sticks at Kool Bloo: $7.95
Eight Mozzarella Sticks at Bite Me Best (9th & C): $6.95

Chicken Burrito with sour cream and cheese at Kool Bloo: $11.95
Chicken Burrito with sour cream and cheese at Chipotle (St. Marks & 3rd): $7.15

Gyro Platter with Salad and Rice at Kool Bloo: $14.95
Gyro Platter with Salad and Rice from Street Cart at 11th & 1st: $6.00

Chicken Parm Platter at Kool Bloo: $16.95
Chicken Parm Platter at Due Amici (12th & 3rd): $8.99

Portobello Burger and Curly Fries at Kool Bloo: $15.90
Portobello Burger and Curly Fries at Curly’s Vegetarian Lunch (14th & 1st): $8.95

Grilled Cheese with Tomato at Kool Bloo: $7.95
Grilled Cheese with Tomato at Odessa (7th & A): $3.75

Cheeseburger, fries, and a soda at Kool Bloo: $15.90
Cheeseburger, fries, and a soda at Blue 9 Burger (12th & 3rd): $7.25

16 oz. bottle of Snapple at Kool Bloo: $2.50
16 oz. bottle of Snapple at my corner bodega: $1.25

Look, I’m just sayin’… what kind of profit margin is this place operating on? And who is enough of a sucker to give this place business?

Ray’s Candy Store on Avenue A is a little obsessed with Barack Obama. You might know this place better as the place selling “Obama Fries.” And “Obama Cones.” And “Obama Coffee.” And “Obama Cheeseburgers.”

But since the election, I’ve watched things change quite subtlely at this little storefront across from Tompkins Square Park.

Counterclockwise from top: Obama Fries the week after Election Day, Obama Fries in December, Obama Fries last night.

I don’t think this is exactly what Obama had in mind when he was talking about change.

UPDATE: Please, read up on Ray’s failing health and struggles with his shop. Even at a 200% increase over November, these fries are still totally worth buying.