Archive for the ‘As Seen On Gawker’ Category

Drifting Away

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007

There's a bad habit among New York City pedestrians that needs to be addressed. It's a problem that's not just prevalent among tourists, or the bridge-and-tunnel set, or the elderly. It's a problem that's surprisingly not just confined to on-street cell-phone talkers, coffee sippers, or iPod listeners. The problem is sidewalk ...

It’s All Smoke and Urine

Monday, January 29th, 2007

While waiting for the light to change at the corner of 14th and 3rd this morning, a girl blew cigarette smoke in my face while I was taking a swig of juice. The taste of the hundreds of chemicals masked the taste of my juice. It was disgusting. I nearly choked. And I ...

What I Did This Weekend: Thinking Way Outside the Bun

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

Despite the abundance of 24-hour food service operations in New York, at 2:30am on a Saturday night, options for food dramatically decrease here. In addition, considering the lack of sobriety among the hungry at 2:30 am on a Saturday night, the perception of the quality of these options for food ...

It’s the Booze Train

Friday, December 29th, 2006

I talk a lot of smack about Connecticut. But on a 2-hour train ride back into the city, I was sandwiched in a middle seat on Metro-North between a guy who smelled musty and someone's dog in a carrying case. The musty smell, when the breeze was blowing just right, made ...

Questions I Want to Ask Potential New Roommates, Based on Experiences with the Roommate He Will Be Replacing

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006

Does your entire diet consist of white bread, cold cuts, and protein shakes? How many casual sex partners do you plan on having in your bedroom on a weekly basis? What percentage of those casual sex partners do you meet online: (a) 100%, or (b) less than 100%? What is your policy on hearing loud, rowdy sex noises? Is it consistent ...

A ‘Hood By Any Other Name

Friday, November 17th, 2006

Oh, New York City neighborhood names: manufactured by real estate scum and delivered directly to you. Sure, there's the now-overused East Village (somebody shoot me), the completely misleading East Williamsburg (somebody shoot me, seriously), and the long-standing East New York (somebody has probably already shot me). But there are also ...

Sometimes, The Polak Jokes Write Themselves

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

There's been a lot of flack lately about an article in the Haverford College Alumni Magazine that disparaged the Greenpoint neighborhood in Brooklyn and its large Polish-American Community. The P.C. Police have already come to the rescue to take the article off Haverford's web site, but this controversy begs the ...

Rangers Fans: Delinquents-in-Training

Monday, November 6th, 2006

I had heard that Rangers fans were just as batshit crazy as Yankees fans, but I had no idea how young they started. Last night, I watched my Buffalo Sabres come back from a 3-1 deficit to beat the Rangers at MSG, 4-3 in overtime. In the suite next to ...

amNY Watch: Red with Anger

Monday, October 30th, 2006

From Page 4 of today's am New York: Someone at the paper must be color blind; apparently, they can't distinguish red from black. Free papers: you get what you pay for. Recently in amNY Watch: NYPD Beach Patrol, Floridian Edition

We’re #1!

Tuesday, October 24th, 2006

The residents of the East Village can claim to be #1 for something: our bus service! In two very contradictory ways! In last week's Best of New York in the Village Voice, the M14A bus was voted Best Bus: Their veritable river-to-river routes take you from the industrial/jock/seminary precincts of far west ...