east village idiot

To: All Staff
From: Mother Nature
Re: Spring

This is to inform you that effective April, 2009, spring will be eliminated due to budget shortfalls. We regret having to make this decision, but because of the recession, all companies are being forced to make cutbacks. This was a difficult decision to make, but with the nature of today’s economy, one season had to be eliminated.

You may have noticed that in anticipation of an economic slowdown, our corporate parent, God, Inc., recommended instituting a trial run of eliminating spring in 2008 in the New York area. Winter was extended by several weeks, and summer began several weeks early to accommodate the additional space in the schedule. The success of this trial resulted in our decision to eliminate spring entirely in 2009.

Some staff reductions will be implemented due to the elimination of spring. These include the following:

Pella Andersen, Manager, Open Windows and Cool Breezes
L.L. Bean, Associate Manager, Windbreakers and Lightweight Sweaters
Fritz Bee, Assistant Manager, Outdoor Activities
May Flowers, Manager, Spring Greenery
Merry Maid, Director, Spring Cleaning
April Showers, Manager, Spring Precipatation
Bud Weiser-Binge, Assistant Manager, Spring Break Travel

Remaining employees will be transferred to other the summer and winter departments. We honor these employees for their service over the years.

Please contact your manager if you have any additional questions about these changes, which are effective immediately.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 27th, 2009 at 2:50 pm and is filed under Geekery. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.