Back to Remedial Dating
Having not really dated by most definitions in over two years, it’s hard to get your groove back. This weekend, I went out to a bar on the Lower East Side that packed in a bunch of sloppy drunk girls celebrating birthday and holiday parties. It was early in the night, however, when I realized that it was going to take a long time for me to remember what it’s like to flirt with a total stranger.
It wasn’t even 10:30 when a cute Asian girl walked up to me, smiled, and said, “excuse me, but my friend really likes your hat, and she really wants to know where you got it.”
My first reaction, and my only reaction, in fact, was to race these thoughts through my head: wow, where did I get this hat? It was a long time ago. Maybe I got it when I lived in Vermont? Maybe I got it at H&M? I can’t remember! I’m pretty sure it was H&M.
“I think I got it at H&M,” I replied after several seconds of deep thought. “But it was like three years ago.”
“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”
Now, yes, maybe I’m reading too much into her question in retrospect, and maybe she honestly wanted to know where I got my hat. But there is one detail missing about my hat: it was completely unremarkable. It’s a solid red knit skullcap. There are no identifying features, and it looks like a hat you could pick up from any one of those street vendors in Midtown for about five bucks.
Ryan was standing right next to me when this incident happened. “Dude,” he laughed, “she totally wants you!”
“She does?”
“Of course she does. I was going to elbow you, but I thought that would’ve been too obvious.”
I think I may need these cues. In the infancy of my return to dating life, I am unaware of the obvious.
It’s going to take a while to get back on the dating wagon again. Apparently, I wouldn’t know a woman hitting on me if she slapped me in the face. And if I continue to overanalyze every word a woman says to me instead of striking up a friendly conversation, I just might get slapped in the face.
This entry was posted on Monday, December 8th, 2008 at 9:46 am and is filed under Drunken Antics. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
December 8th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Beej says:A woman has to slap you on the head and hold up a sign?
(*$10 to whoever gets that reference.)
*Payment to be 1 penny for the next 1000 years.
December 8th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
east village idiot » Blog Archive » Back to Remedial Dating | Find Lover says:[…] View original post here: east village idiot » Blog Archive » Back to Remedial Dating […]
December 8th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Jaime says:As a girl and professional over-thinker here, what I don’t understand is why she said her *friend* liked your hat - was this some very convoluted wingmannery? (Wingwomannery?) If she were trying to hit on you, even in a really subtle, safe, convoluted way (again, my m.o.), wouldn’t she have said that she liked your hat herself?
Or maybe single people like me are the last ones who should be giving you advice.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat says:This post warmed my heart. As a woman who is far too subtle in her “flirting” (yet constantly worries that she’s overdoing it), it’s encouraging to know that at least some men really do need to be hit over the head to get it…
And I suspect the girl’s “friend” is the one who wanted you… that actually sounds like a good pick-up line in theory, but I guess it obviously didn’t work.
December 11th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Your Girlfriend is Ugly says:Unfortunately when a girl runs around grabbing your hat to wear it on her head it is considered some form of “cuteness” and flirting.
Personally I think it’s totally stupid and childish. I mean, if a guy walked up to me and was like “HEY WHERE’D YOU GET THOSE SHOES!” and then tried to wear them around the bar, I would feel nervous.
And on the flip side, what if the guy did relinquish his hat and he had like LICE or something?!
Not that you have lice…
Bottom line, this works every time: “Hi, I’m so-and-so. Can I buy you a drink?”
December 13th, 2008 at 11:17 am
michelle says:the best tutorial in dating is The Pickup Artist on VH1. I highly suggest you watch both season and learn about establishing higher value, throwing negs, number closing, etc. best of luck to you!
December 18th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Ryan says:Chris,
Under no circumstances are you to listen to the above commenter.