east village idiot

intelligent and unintelligible thoughts about life in these five boroughs

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Adding a Google Search Result

Search responses to “Rhode Island is the * of New England:”

> Rhode Island is the Jewel of New England (hilarious)

> Rhode Island is the Belgium of New England (insignificant and usually forgotten?)

> Rhode Island is the New Jersey of New England (close, but not nearly as wealthy or smelly)

> Rhode Island is the Heart of New England (if you look on a map, it’s more like the testicles, not the heart)

> Rhode Island is the Financial Center of New England (sure, if you ignore Boston’s investment banks or Hartford’s insurance companies)

> Rhode Island is the Africa of New England (wrought with conflict and corrupt government? Close, I guess)

 

But there are no results for the statement I was searching for, which stems from the following observations:

- Rhode Island has the lowest test scores in all of New England, despite being first in education funding.

- Rhode Island’s transportation system is almost entirely reliant on the automobile, despite being the second most densely populated state in the nation.

- Rhode Island’s government is horribly inept; union bosses and corruption continue to go unchecked, despite its citizens witnessing a massive political scandal.

- Rhode Island has the highest unemployment rate in New England - a full two percentage points above any other state in the region, and the second highest unemployment rate in the nation (thanks, Michigan!)

- The top-rated radio station in the Providence-Warwick-Pawtucket radio market is a Country music station.

Therefore…

Rhode Island is the Alabama of New England.

Now, when you critics say “go back to Rhode Island,” you know why I get so pissed off.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 at 3:52 pm and is filed under Odds and Ends. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

9 Responses to “Adding a Google Search Result”

  1. September 3rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Joe Biden says:

    rhode island is seriously the fucking shittiest state in the union. what a fucking dump, full of back-asswards rednecks. most irrelevant, run-down place i’ve ever been, and i’ve been to some nasty places.

  2. September 3rd, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    AJ says:

    As having grown up in RI, lived in NJ, and studied abroad in Belgium, I should say Belgians have a case to go to war.

    You have also posted the reasons why I tell everyone I have no intention of leaving Brooklyn.

  3. September 3rd, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    Josh says:

    @ Joe Biden: You must be from your so-called RI, because only “back-asswards” rednecks use the phrase “back-asswards.” The following is a list of adjectives that do not describe “bass-ackwards” and its use: funny, clever, interesting, innovative, sexually attractive, etc.

  4. September 3rd, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    Cody says:

    Now, wait a second…

  5. September 3rd, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    guenoc says:

    the saddest thing about rhode islanders is that they think their pathetic capital city passes as some kind of cosmopolitan metropolis. Geez, New Haven has more to offer than Providence!

  6. September 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    Courtney says:

    Rhode Island is the Jersey Shore of NE (Paddys, anyone?)

    Rhode Island is the East Hampton of NE (newport)

  7. September 4th, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    Mom says:

    How about:

    39 Cities and Towns in a space smaller than some Metropolitan areas.

    It is controversial to want employers to check the legal status of potential employees before hiring them?

    Young women who are employed but have no health insurance can get free care only if they are pregnant or already have a child. Forget about the guys.

    I can make it into Providence in eighteen minutes, but the bus takes an hour plus. There are only two express buses and they are about to be discontinued.

    Oh, if you have significant money or property, don’t die here. While the Federal exemption on inheritance taxes is 2 million, Rhode Island’s is $625,000 and you pay 25% on the amount over that. No wonder so many RI retirees spend six months plus one day in places like Florida to establish residency elsewhere.

  8. September 8th, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    magickat says:

    HAHAHA! Yay - you are so not phoning it in with this one! Great post.

  9. September 19th, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    chris says:

    Belgium is absolutely gorgeous…particularly Bruges, one of Europe’s most beautiful cities…

    And it pains me to say this as someone who is half German…they make….the….best….beer…argh…in the world. Dammit. It hurts.

    Never been to R.I., but in my mind, Indiana is the most unappealing, sorry state I’ve ever seen.

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