east village idiot

1999: Honda introduces Insight

Exec #1: Hey, did you hear about this car that Honda is making?
Exec #2 [gritting teeth]: Honda? Pfft. Who cares?!
Exec #1: Well, apparently, it gets 70 miles a gallon.
Exec #3: 70 miles a gallon! Ha! Who needs that? Gas is like a dollar a gallon! What difference is a couple bucks?
Exec #2: Yeah, besides, people love our SUVs! They’re big and they waste gas! That’s the American Way!

2001: Prius is rolled out, demand is intense

Exec #1: Wow, maybe we should capitalize on this… there’s a seven-month wait just for a gas-electric hybrid car!
Exec #3: Hy-bird? What’s that mean? Does it fly?
Exec #1: I think it means it’s like an electric car.
Exec #2: Ha! Who would want those? You probably have to, like, plug them in!
Exec #3: Yeah, this is just a phase. It’ll blow over. Everyone wants the hot new car. That’s why everyone buys the Ford Explorer, even when its tires explode!

2003: Toyota overtakes Ford as World’s #2 Automaker

Exec #1: These Toyota guys are making me nervous. Maybe we should do something?
Exec #2: Nah, why bother? Anything they can do, we can do better! They make the best-selling small car, but we make the best-selling SUVs!
Exec #3: And they keep talking about the hybrids they’re putting on the road, but we’re doing fuel cell research! I mean, it’s only going to be another twenty or thirty years of research and then BOOM! We’ll be back at the top!
Exec #2: Yeah, and we’re American! Everyone likes to buy American!
Exec #1: Uh, yeah, but some foreign cars are more American than American cars. The Toyota Camry is more American than the Chevy Suburban.
Exec #3: With an attitude like that, you’re gonna get fired.

2005: Gas Prices soar to record levels in wake of Katrina

Exec #2: Hey, what happened to Exec #1?
Exec #3: He got fired, I heard. Something about suggesting we roll out a hybrid sedan.
Exec #2: Ha! Who would want a hybrid sedan that gets 40-plus miles a gallon? We’re making hybrid SUVs that get 20! Isn’t that enough?
Exec #3: Well, I sure think so. Even with three-dollar gas, I can’t imagine someone downsizing their car. I mean, that’s just crazy!
Exec #2: I know, right? Maybe when gas hits four dollars… but when is that ever going to happen?
[Both laugh maniacally]

2008: Ford profits down 28%, Honda has record-high U.S. sales

Exec #1: Hey, Exec #2!
Exec #2: You’re back?! Wow, how’d that happen?
Exec #1: They just called me in today. Since the economy’s been tanking, I haven’t been able to find another job, so when the call came, I took it!
Exec #2: Interesting. They just laid off Exec #3 yesterday. Why’d they bring you back?
Exec #1: Something about wanting progressive minds with ideas for smaller, fuel-efficient vehicles.
Exec #2: Really? That sounds exotic. Why not just make the trucks that America loves?
Exec #1: Yeah, um, that isn’t working for us. Do you read our financial statements?
Exec #2: I try not to.
Exec #1: My first job is to close our truck assembly plants… then, I need to push forward design on new hybrids and increase our fleet’s fuel efficiency…
Exec #2: That’s quite an undertaking!
Exec #1: … yup. And then, I need to lay you off. Actually, let’s do that first. Sorry, you’ve been let go.
Exec #2: You son of a bitch!
Exec #1: Enjoy your buyout package! Hope you can still afford to fill the tank on your Hummer!

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