Naval Warfare
Men of New York City,
For the next seven days, you will have a mortal enemy. He is desperate to get laid. In a head-to-head battle, he will always get the girl. You will spend months trying to get into a woman’s pants, and he will get into them in one night. You will wear your very best designer clothing to impress a woman, and your enemy, in his standard-issue polyester uniform, will take that woman home. You will meekly suggest going back to her place, and she will laugh. He’ll suggest the same thing, and she will graciously accept, and perhaps even offer to pay cab fare. You will wonder what consequences come with taking a woman home, like how long you have to wait to call her back after that night. Your enemy won’t even be in New York in a week, or a month, or perhaps a year. He’ll be out at sea, somewhere far, far away.
Gentlemen, this is your enemy:
Beware Fleet Week. He may be a mere Seaman on the open waters, but for the next seven days, he is the Captain of the Civilian Cockblock.
This entry was posted on Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 at 8:53 am and is filed under Life in NYC. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:21 am
Eric P. says:Ya know, I’ve never heard a straight man’s opinion on fleet week. If I ever use “Captain of the Civilian Cockblock,” I’ll be sure to credit you. Well done.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:46 am
brooklyn gal says:Wooooooooohooooooo!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:09 am
chris says:Thanks for the heads up.
I’m gonna carry a bat with me until they leave, that way, even if they do get the woman, they’ll be doing so with two smashed kneecaps.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
G says:Excellent! I forgot all about Fleet Week.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:19 am
lozo says:whatever. take your fucking turn in Scramble already.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:30 am
keith says:and next week will see record sales of pregnancy tests at every cvs in manhattan.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 am
Annie in MN says:Oooo I can’t wait to move to NYC and enjoy fleet week.
Mmmm.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:46 am
I Like Cheese says:I love semen. Er, I mean, Sea Men!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 am
Ben K. says:Women who will sleep with the sailors during fleet week, Chris, are not women you would be interested in sleeping with anyway.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:07 am
Sheryl says:I love Fleet Week!!!!! It’s only a shame I can’t indulge *sniff* but at least I can check out and photograph all the hotness.
Helllllo Sailors!
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:21 am
spinachdip says:Another thing to consider - think of all the exotic VD they’ll leave in vaginas of New York!
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Clinton says:This is why I always keep a spare sailor suit in the closet. Get ready, Ladies of NYC… here comes the fattest sailor you’ve ever seen!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm
ANimal says:the girls that usually hookup and talk to those guys for a one night of fun are nasty young can’t control their liquor too much perfume sorority types…not into it…
fleet week is annoying though
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Ben K. says:Clinton: Don’t forget the ramen.
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Clinton says:Ben K: Like I ever leave home without it. Please, that’s my “thing.”
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
wishmewell says:this is my first fleet week single in 4 years…crap
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:52 am
lozo says:come on. everyone knows sailors are gay. they spend all day on the poop deck. hey-oh! zing!
this could be your chance to get some more free hugs.
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:18 am
Sherri says:The only sailor I know has a friend he refers to as ‘Dirty Al’ and has a million and one stories about snakes and hookers….
I’d be wary of one night stands with these guys. LOL
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Hey Long Weekend « Bored Thoughts says:[…] apparently it is fleet week. Who […]
May 23rd, 2009 at 8:23 pm
LJ says:WOOOO HOOOO GO NAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT!!!!!
May 23rd, 2009 at 8:37 pm
LJ says:oh by the way, who ever says sailors are gay are very ignorant…My husband is a sailor and I can promise you, he is NOT gay, as a matter of fact he’s very far from being gay. You should really do some studying before you go sterio-typing there are alot of gay people in this country, just because you call yourself a sailor doesnt mean your gay, it just means you have made a life for yourself and have better morals than regular society!!
May 27th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
cowboyneok says:On the other hand, saying some sailors are not gay is very ignorant. I’m a gay man who served on submarines in the Cold War. As far as fleet week is concerned there would be a LOT of pregnant men running around NYC if it had been possible when I made my trips there from the Groton CT submarine base. Woo Hoo!
April 11th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
joe says:WTF cowboyneok. LJ is right. Im a sailor and I can promise you that I am not gay. Most naval men are not. No one at all in my duty section is a fag
June 19th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Greg says:This is the best thing I have ever seen. As a sailor who attended Fleet Week 2010, I can just say that you hit the nail on the head with this article. I applaud its author and and sorry for the victims of our behavior. I must say that the city definately took care of us while we were there and I have to thank everyone for any hospitality allowed to us.
June 23rd, 2010 at 3:29 am
Gionanni says:I have nothing left but to agree with Greg New York city was more than welcoming this year. I am an east coast sailor myself and decided to give New York’s Fleet week an opportunity since there are only so many bars and women looking for there real life hero in San Francisco. Now going back to the stereo-typing on the Girls here on New York that were more than welcoming to us all, lets just say that I wished it would have been those “nasty young can’t control their liquor too much perfume sorority types” for those are easy to get rid off. But as luck may have it we were not all that blessed instead it was the rest of the Single and not so single women of New York City and its surroundings that we now have to make sure we block from our facebooks and memories. For those Sailors who on account of one to many free drinks gave there actual name and e-mails.
I am now on my way to Honolulu where a gathering of sailor’s from all over the world along with there female co-workers and the rest of the female tourist that are attending there friends weeding dateless will be waiting! In the mean time you guys have a great summer and wish you the best this upcoming winter!