Naval Warfare
May 22, 2008 – 8:53 amMen of New York City,
For the next seven days, you will have a mortal enemy. He is desperate to get laid. In a head-to-head battle, he will always get the girl. You will spend months trying to get into a woman’s pants, and he will get into them in one night. You will wear your very best designer clothing to impress a woman, and your enemy, in his standard-issue polyester uniform, will take that woman home. You will meekly suggest going back to her place, and she will laugh. He’ll suggest the same thing, and she will graciously accept, and perhaps even offer to pay cab fare. You will wonder what consequences come with taking a woman home, like how long you have to wait to call her back after that night. Your enemy won’t even be in New York in a week, or a month, or perhaps a year. He’ll be out at sea, somewhere far, far away.
Gentlemen, this is your enemy:
Beware Fleet Week. He may be a mere Seaman on the open waters, but for the next seven days, he is the Captain of the Civilian Cockblock.
19 Responses
Ya know, I’ve never heard a straight man’s opinion on fleet week. If I ever use “Captain of the Civilian Cockblock,” I’ll be sure to credit you. Well done.
By Eric P. on May 22, 2008
Wooooooooohooooooo!
By brooklyn gal on May 22, 2008
Thanks for the heads up.
I’m gonna carry a bat with me until they leave, that way, even if they do get the woman, they’ll be doing so with two smashed kneecaps.
By chris on May 22, 2008
Excellent! I forgot all about Fleet Week.
By G on May 22, 2008
whatever. take your fucking turn in Scramble already.
By lozo on May 22, 2008
and next week will see record sales of pregnancy tests at every cvs in manhattan.
By keith on May 22, 2008
Oooo I can’t wait to move to NYC and enjoy fleet week.
Mmmm.
By Annie in MN on May 22, 2008
I love semen. Er, I mean, Sea Men!
By I Like Cheese on May 22, 2008
Women who will sleep with the sailors during fleet week, Chris, are not women you would be interested in sleeping with anyway.
By Ben K. on May 22, 2008
I love Fleet Week!!!!! It’s only a shame I can’t indulge *sniff* but at least I can check out and photograph all the hotness.
Helllllo Sailors!
By Sheryl on May 22, 2008
Another thing to consider - think of all the exotic VD they’ll leave in vaginas of New York!
By spinachdip on May 22, 2008
This is why I always keep a spare sailor suit in the closet. Get ready, Ladies of NYC… here comes the fattest sailor you’ve ever seen!!!
By Clinton on May 22, 2008
the girls that usually hookup and talk to those guys for a one night of fun are nasty young can’t control their liquor too much perfume sorority types…not into it…
fleet week is annoying though
By ANimal on May 22, 2008
Clinton: Don’t forget the ramen.
By Ben K. on May 22, 2008
Ben K: Like I ever leave home without it. Please, that’s my “thing.”
By Clinton on May 22, 2008
this is my first fleet week single in 4 years…crap
By wishmewell on May 22, 2008
come on. everyone knows sailors are gay. they spend all day on the poop deck. hey-oh! zing!
this could be your chance to get some more free hugs.
By lozo on May 23, 2008
The only sailor I know has a friend he refers to as ‘Dirty Al’ and has a million and one stories about snakes and hookers….
I’d be wary of one night stands with these guys. LOL
By Sherri on May 23, 2008