east village idiot

What did I do this weekend? Well, I did quite a bit. I went to a Passover Seder in Kansas, for example. I spent about an hour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, but I couldn’t find any cheese. And I scored an interview with Paul Mecurio. Paul’s a standup comic after my own heart: he’s from Rhode Island, he’s spent a lot of time with Wall Street douchebags, and he rants and raves about bad customer service.

Paul’s back in New York City, playing at Comix this weekend, with two shows on Friday and Saturday night. Since I figured I’d need a better way to convince you to go to his show than my simple endorsement, I asked him a few questions.

Paul, thanks for taking some time out of your busy schedule to answer a few questions. So you’re playing Comix next weekend, which I think is becoming a mecca for great comedy in New York. But what’s the worst venue you’ve ever played?

On the Bowery in NYC there’s a real dive called “Downtown Beirut 2.” You know when people beg for money on the streets to drink? THIS is the place they go to drink. When I was still working on Wall Street as a lawyer doing mergers and acquisitions, I would work the open mic nights at this place. One night just before I went on stage there was a fight at the bar between a pimp and a John – the John grabs his neck and starts screaming, “He cut me man, he cut me!” The pimp had just sliced him across the neck with a box cutter, he was bleeding all over!

So I get introduced as the next act and when I hit the stage I say, “Nice to be here at Downtown Beirut 2, I always wanted to follow a slashing.” This guy hears me say slashing and charges the stage screaming, “You talking to me! I’ll kick your ass!” And he throws all these bloody wadded up napkins at me. They hit me and stick to my crisp white Brooks Brothers shirt. I keep going with my act, no one is listening, cops are in the bar now to take a report, EMT workers to help the guy. Then, suddenly the guy yells at me, “Hey, what are you doing?” I say, (scared out of my mind), “I’m trying to tell jokes.” He says, “Oh yeah? I like jokes.” He then turns to everyone in the bar and screams, “Hey everyone, shut the hell up, this guy’s trying to tell jokes.” The place quiets down, I finished my set, got a few laughs and got off the stage. Oh and the shirt with the giant blood stain? I still have it as a souvenir.

I know that you’re a native Rhode Islander. I am, too. That state is a black hole… nobody ever seems to leave. How did you manage to get out?

In the trunk of a Monte Carlo. I was lying next to a box of stolen car alarms. My family came looking for me but I got plastic surgery and changed my name to Ling Jong (for a while anyway).

Providence is a far cry from what it used to be. Do you go back to Rhode Island often?

Yes. I really like going back. They have coffee milkshakes and these hot dogs called New York System Hot Weiners – it’s got special meat sauce (stop snickering it’s really good, especially after you’ve been drinking all day and nigh … yes I said DAY. The beaches are great too, especially to watch the guido Italian guys walking around with “grape smuggler” bathing suits, goldchains and mucho, quaffed back hair.

In an interview recently, I was asked, “at what point do you become a true New Yorker?” I hate that question, but I’m going to ask you, since we both suffer from the fate of associating ourselves with New York despite having roots in New England. Do you consider yourself a true New Yorker?

No. Nothing against true New Yorkers, but I am from Rhode Island. The closest I ever came to feeling like a true New Yorker was when I was raped by a man dressed as the Statue of Liberty – ahh, good times!

I am the East Village Idiot, so I figure I’m obligated to ask this question: do you ever hang out in the East Village? Do you have any favorite restaurants and bars around here?

Yes, I do. Love it. I hang out all the time on St. Mark’s Place. A good friend of mine Peter lives there – do you know him? A lot of the clubs/bars I started at were in the East Village. They have since closed and the buildings have become all yuppified (is that still a word?).

With a piece in the New York Times, your Emmys and Peabody award for working on The Daily Show, and a Georgetown Law degree to boot, don’t you think you have an unfair advantage over those college-dropout standup comedians?

No, I am not smart. If I were wouldn’t have amassed massive student loans and then left Wall Street and a six figure job to tell jokes in dive bars while getting bloody napkins thrown at me. Oh my god, what have I done with my life?

I was kind of shocked while reading the New York Times Magazine a couple months back to see your byline. All I can imagine is the average elderly New York Times reader ending up at one of your shows and leaving in disgust after you drop your first expletive, saying, “well, I never!”

Actually, I got a lot of positive e-mails from people who can relate. A lot of people say, “Good for you! I do that too when customer service sucks.” So I guess there are a lot of elderly people who enjoy showing their saggy asses to the general public.

You’ve talked a lot in your act about being the victim of bad customer service. Do you think New York is a hotbed of bad customer service? I mean, I think a chain like Duane Reade wouldn’t survive in any other place but New York, considering how surly their employees are. New Yorkers just seem to put up with it. Have you had any horrible customer service experiences recently?

Well, there’s the time I pulled my pants down on a midtown Manhattan street and told a newsstand guy to violate me in the ass over a plastic bag. That’s the New York Times Magazine piece. I almost got arrested for that.

Then there was the time I called Dell Support for a service center 10 blocks from where I live in New York, and I got a guy with a VERY thick Indian accent, which was fine. But the problem is the guy tried to snow me and pretend he was in New York and that was insulting. I told him I wanted to go to 5th Avenue. And they guy was trying to be all “New York” and said, “Oh yes, FIVE Avenue.” And I’m thinking – who calls it “FIVE” Avenue?” Then he said, “FIVE avenue it’s right after 3 and Avenue.” So I asked him his name and he said, “AHHH STEVE!” Then I said, “Are you in India?” and he goes, “AHHH, MAYBE!” I hung up in frustration and punched a puppy.

Finally, you have exactly five words to sum up why people should see you at Comix next weekend.

Whipped cream, cherries, nails and my ass. Need I say more?

Sold.

SHOW DETAILS: Paul Mecurio @ Comix. Friday, April 25, 8:30pm, & 10:45pm and Saturday, April 26, 8:30pm, & 10:45pm. 353 West 14th Street (at 9th Ave), New York, NY 10014.  Advance tickets $25, Day-of-show tickets $28, Dinner Package $81.25. Box Office: (212) 352-2716, www.comixny.com

This entry was posted on Monday, April 21st, 2008 at 8:28 am and is filed under The Q&A, What I Did This Weekend. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.