A Message to My Facebook Friends
March 6, 2008 – 4:09 pmNo, Facebook Friends.
I will not join your group, especially if its purpose is to “see how many people we can get to join!!!”
I will not take a U.S. Citizenship test. I am already a U.S. Citizen.
I won’t take a american citizen tes, either. There’s so much wrong with that I don’t even know where to begin.
I will not tell you what my favorite 80s song is. Okay, fine. It’s “Sunglasses at Night.” But I don’t need to add an application to tell you that.
I will not grow a virtual garden or wear a virtual pink ribbon. Real ones suit me just fine.
I might attack! you, if you keep sending me attack! invitations.
I can play Blackjack, Risk, or Oregon Trail without selling out to Facebook.
I don’t know what my heroes ability is, nor do I really care, since I am not a hero, nor do I have any special powers… as far as I know.
I’m not a Rangers fan, and I’m amused that their fan base sends out invitations to become a fan.
I’m not addicted to 24, a television show that hasn’t aired in almost a year and won’t air again for a year more.
I haven’t been in high school for ten years. The only exams I still take involve a doctor and are equally uncomfortable.
I don’t know need Facebook to tell me my type, my valentine, my drinking buddies, or my crushes.
I would like Facebook to tell me what the hell “jetman” is.
“What does your birth.” “What does your application.”
I don’t need to know my stripper name.
If I want to hear a quote from The Office, I’ll watch The Office.
I think I’d rather do a Sabres wave at a Sabres game.
I am not a zombie, a pirate, a ninja, a vampire, a slayer, or a speed racer. I am not a cartoon character.
I will not join your cause, especially not if the cause is “Save Water, Drink Beer.”
I will “ignore all,” and I will go “Back to Homepage.” Those are the two best requests I’ve gotten all day.
13 Responses
Wasn’t Facebook INVENTED to accommodate people who are drawn to useless, procrastinatory features?
It’s the nature of the beast.
Albeit a ridiculous, useless, and procrastinatory beast.
By Brooklyn Bitch on Mar 6, 2008
so you joined facebook because?
what? didn’t pick up an amNY this morning?
By lozo on Mar 6, 2008
I miss pre-application facebook damnit.
And seriously, you had ALL those requests waiting? I get pissed when 3 people send me Oregon Trail requests
By beej on Mar 6, 2008
Weren’t you the one trying to get a million friends on Facebook? I seem to remember you mentioning how we should all “become fans” almost constantly for a while… Regretting it now, aren’t you?
By StuyGirl on Mar 6, 2008
Wow, Chris, and I thought MY FB invites were getting out of control.
By Arjewtino on Mar 6, 2008
Go Corey Hart! Woo!
By John Barleycorn on Mar 6, 2008
I can’t play Oregon Trail or Scrabble without selling out to Facebook. I’m a shell of a man.
By Todd on Mar 7, 2008
awesome-o
By A. on Mar 7, 2008
I hate all of that shit. I miss the pre-application Facebook too.
By Caitlyn on Mar 7, 2008
i’m with Lozo - stop bitching and just delete your profile if you hate it so much.
By Chris on Mar 7, 2008
Chris: I don’t see your point. I joined Facebook to network with friends, not have my friends solicit me to play “Pirates vs. Ninjas.” I’m perfectly happy with Facebook otherwise.
By Chris on Mar 7, 2008
I don’t bother with them at all. I have 160 requests, and they’re just going to keep piling up. I figure if everyone does that, maybe it’ll tax their servers enough that someone might notice. Or not. Either way, I just ignore them.
By Josh on Mar 8, 2008
FYI - I’m posting this as a note to all of my facebook friends.
You will, of course, be credited as the author. Thanks for changing my facebook life.
By BNY on Mar 9, 2008