Back to the City That Never Stops Being Douchey
December 17, 2007 – 12:50 pmI know this may come as a shock to all of you, but New York is full of self-important douchebags. And no place is that more apparent than on an airplane.
I’ve flown quite a bit in my life, out of many different airports to many different destinations. Sometimes, New York hasn’t been on either end of those trips, either. But when it is, you immediately know. If you threw me down a jetway at O’Hare without telling me anything about the flight, I could probably tell if it was headed to New York. How could I tell? Well, no matter how slowly the airline tries to board a plane from New York, there is a line of passengers up the jetway… without fail, every single time. Even if the flight isn’t full, there’s a line ten or twenty deep just to get onto the plane.
Is it that New Yorkers don’t know how to board a plane? Certainly not. After all, New Yorkers are always in a rush to get places, so they should know how to do things in a timely manner.
It’s just that New Yorkers are so consumed with themselves, they don’t know how to get the fuck out of anyone’s way. On other flights to other places, I have observed that most passengers will step aside if they have a large piece of luggage to stow in the overhead bin. That’s called courtesy - a trait that most New Yorkers do not have. On flights to New York, passengers take their sweet, sweet time with their goddamn roller bags and stand in the middle of the aisle for minutes, struggling to stuff it overhead - completely oblivious to the fact that there are dozens of other people who are waiting to get by them.
On top of this, New Yorkers always seem to insist on overpacking their bags to the point that they barely fit in the overhead bins. Seriously, why the hell are all your bags so big? I cannot imagine where you’re going that you need to carry so much shit. Maybe you just pack a big bag so you can feel important when you roll it around the airport. “Oooh, look at that guy! He must be from New York! He’s on his Blackberry, holding a laptop bag, and rolling around carry-on luggage that’s so massive you could fit a small child in it! He’s important!”
Now, if there’s one thing that self-important douchebags do more than primp themselves and carry around big, expensive luggage, it’s talk on the phone. And on my flight home last night, I witnessed something that, while unusual, did not surprise me on a flight full of New Yorkers: our plane was delayed because some asshole wouldn’t get off his fucking phone. The flight was ready to back away from the gate, and no fewer than four times did the flight attendant request that passengers turn off their phones. Even after the flight attendant came through the cabin and asked specific offenders to turn off their phones, he had to make a second trip to the back of the plane to confront a passenger. The result: a 30-minute delay, because the captain said we “missed our takeoff window.”
I can’t possibly imagine that your phone call - ON A SUNDAY NIGHT, NO LESS - is so important that you must inconvenience 150 other people who are sitting on a cramped airplane in Chicago and just want to go home.
Now, I am left angry, bitter, and cranky. I finally got home last night at 2:15am. And I never wanted to go home to New York any less.
7 Responses
amen, brother.
i have similar issues with fat people on planes:
http://lightonpixels.blogspot.com/search/label/fat%20people
By keith on Dec 17, 2007
Chris - that definitely sounds like it was full of suckitude. I only ever fly between NY and somewhere else, and just assumed that the prickish self-absorption of my fellow passengers was true of all flying destinations… but maybe it isn’t.
Why is it that the bins are always full above your seats when the row itself is still empty?
Why do people insist on bringing so much crap on the plane?
Why does the person in front always recline his seat into your lap, and the person behind put his table up/down 1000 times, pushing your seat forwards every time — and then kick the back of your seat the entire flight?
Why IS there always one asshole who won’t get off his/her phone or blackberry until the plane’s at the runway? My last flight back from NYC featured a woman talked on her cell all they way down the jetway while struggling with a large bag, then she sent messages on her BB until the plane was actually heading down the runway!
2 more stories from that wonderful Chicago-NY run:
1. I was stuck in the middle row next to an extreme douche who was talking loudly on his cell (we were delayed 3 hours, just sitting on the tarmac). At one point he decided to put his hands on his head with elbows akimbo, hitting me squarely in the head. When I gently pushed his arm down, he started at me then said to the guy on the phone, “sorry, some bitch just interrupted my train of thought.” DOOUUUUUUCCCHEEE!!!!!!! Needless to say, I switched seats rather inflict bodily harm on him that would’ve gotten me in trouble with Homeland Security.
2. I think I might’ve relayed this recently but now I can’t find the post: there was a total stereotype of a “hipster” sitting directly behind me - he wore cheap white plastic sunglasses the entire flight and talked loudly on his cell (until we were at the runway, natch) about his gig, and how they weren’t going to go on unless they were headlining, etc.
When we arrived in NYC and everyone was waiting to get out, he got on his phone and said loudly, “I have to wait for all these SUITS to get off the plane first.” I (in a suit) shot him a look of death. What a repulsive little turd.
Whew. That’s a load off my mind.
By Gwin on Dec 17, 2007
That story does not surprise me in the slightest. But I sympathize.
By Casey on Dec 18, 2007
People carry so much stuff on the plane because (a.) they don’t want to wait hours at checked baggage to get their bags, possibly have their bags get lost, then wait at the end of an absolutely miserable taxi queue, and (b.) they have convinced themselves in their self absorbed minds that they absolutely positively need all of the crap that they are bringing and don’t want to check.
Don’t get me wrong - it is douchey. But come on, is it really a big mystery why NYers do it?
By Joanna on Dec 18, 2007
Joanna: Well, your point a is no mystery - it’s why I usually only pack a carry-on. But it’s also small enough to actually fit in the overhead bin without needing seven people in the aisle trying to collectively wedge it in. NYers are probably half the reason for the carry-on limitations in the first place.
By Chris on Dec 18, 2007
I’d rather stick needles in my eyes than fly. I think United has a star next to my name that says “sit next to extreamly obese people” everytime I fly United, my seat is next to a person who should have bought all three seats … (I don’t fly United anymore)
By neenrn on Dec 18, 2007
Chris - agreed; reason b is what makes those people such a pain.
By Joanna on Dec 19, 2007