A Memo to the New Guy
Dear new male co-worker,
Welcome to the company. Here, we consider ourselves to be respectful men. We work in an especially immasculating specialty of an already immasculating field. However, in addition to being respectful to our female co-workers, we need to be respectful to each other. This respect carries across all areas of our line of work, from our cubicles to our restroom.
In the fifth floor restroom, there are three urinals, laid out side-by-side. Standard men’s restroom etiquette is quite simple: the left and right urinals are acceptable for use, as they provide a buffer between you and a fellow urinator.
But a disturbing trend has emerged since you started a couple weeks: every time I enter the men’s restroom and you’re in it, you are using the center urinal. You are a Center-Urinal User.
When encountering a Center-Urinal User, there is only one option for most men: wait. Center-Urinal Users like you are apparently unaware of the two-deep line behind them when two urinals are, in your opinion, available for use. Do you find end urinals confining? Most men are much more comfortable at an end urinal, as their junk is not exposed on both sides. I don’t know if you have a streak of exhibitionism or a fear of tiled walls, but you are apparently unaware that you are inconveniencing your co-workers.
Thank you for reading. We must stop this plight on our fifth floor restroom. Remember what Bucky the Bathroom Beaver says:
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 at 11:53 am and is filed under Life at Work. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
November 6th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Paul says:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw
November 6th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Chris says:I immediately thought of this game: http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html
November 6th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
StuyGirl says:It’s times like these when I’m incredibly happy to be a girl.
November 6th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Mr. Shain says:i’m all about the center urinal. i’m that important.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Assrot says:Guys that use the center urinal are all homosexuals. This is the first sure sign of a fag. They use it on purpose so they can eyeball the guys junk on both sides.
You need to catch this guy at the center urinal when you got really drunk on beer the night before and you have the raging beer farts. You know, the kind that bring tears to your eyes and gag everybody within 20 feet of you when you let one fly.
Just mosey on up next to him and whip out your junk. When his queer ass starts looking your way, let go of them beer farts like you are about to shit your pants.
I’ll gaurandamtee that sissy will never use the center urinal again. He might puke on you though.
Fags are easy to deal with and bring into line. You just have to come down to their level and let the shit fly.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Ribeye of your Dreams says:Using the middle urinal doesn’t mean anything, half the time it’s done because all the others are being used, or because some of them are just plain nasty. Being gay doesn’t have anything to do with it either, unless you’re a trashy gay person whose just out to get laid in the toilet.
Assrot, you seem to have a problem with gay people, when more straight married men have sex with men in bathroom than homosexuals.
As a gay man, I would rather not try to sneak a peek at a man taking a piss, as piss doesn’t do anything for me, even if it’s coming out of a dick.
I say quit whining, not every gay person is going to look your way breeder boy, you’re not that hot.
RagingServer.com
November 10th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
fbl says:Ribeye,
I think that is my favorite line, ever.
“Piss doesn’t do anything for me, even if it’s coming out of a dick”.
Thanks for that…
November 12th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
rottweilertom.blogspot.com says:don’t be such a homourinist fuck!