The Most Fantastically Bad Store Banner Ever
There’s a new deli opening on 14th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenues called City Gourmet. It looks pretty nice on the inside, with some flatscreen TVs and ample seating, and the menu looks pretty decent, too. But I don’t know if I can forgive them for this god-awful banner.
The new City Gourmet will finally open in mid October.
FINALLY! Yes, because, you know, it’s best to toot your own horn by saying you couldn’t get this place off the ground, even though it’s merely taking over the space of another sandwich shop (there was a Quizno’s here before). By the way, it is mid-October, and you don’t look close to opening yet.
Come and Chillax at the new City Gourmet where good food, friendly service and entertainment all go together
Holy run-on sentence, Batman! I don’t know where to begin here. I think I’ll start with ”chillax.” You did not just use the word “chillax.” Oh, yes, you did. And you even used it in your phone number: 888-CHILLAX, as it’s displayed on your sign. Why the hell does a little deli on 14th Street need a TOLL-FREE PHONE NUMBER? Your food looks overpriced, but at least now I know where the money will be going: a phone number that nobody will use. I swear to God, on the day that “chillax” becomes listed in Webster’s Dictionary, I will stop speaking English and teach myself a new language.
By the way, “good food,” “friendly service,” and “entertainment” all go to City Gourmet together, in case you didn’t know. They don’t come together there; they just go together.
Our grand grand opening day will be Friday, November 2nd. Free food, drinks & Music will be served
Oh, hi! I would like an order of Music, please. On rye, preferably, with lettuce, tomato, mustard, and a side of earbuds.
And wow! It’s not just a grand opening… it’s a grand grand opening! Um, I don’t think you’re getting the point here, City Gourmet. There’s this thing called a “soft opening,” but you announced your soft opening: it’s in mid-October. You’re not supposed to announce a soft opening, so that makes mid-October your grand opening. Actually, I guess you do get it, because November 2nd is your grand grand opening.
But you know what? “Grand grand opening” sounds a little too intense for a place that’s so “chillax.”
This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007 at 11:27 am and is filed under Grammar Police on Patrol. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
October 17th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
tollfreenumber.ORG says:Studies indicate that people prefer calling 1(888) telephone numbers when contacting a business. According to the studies, you’ll get more business if you advertise using toll free numbers rather than any other phone number - no matter what kind of business you are in, where you are located, or who your target market is.
Even local businesses benefit from the prestige of using a toll-free number from http://www.tollfreenumber.org.
October 22nd, 2007 at 1:12 pm
kelsi says:oh. my. god. i walked past that sign while i was on the phone with a friend and couldn’t contain myself. “chillax!?! this sign says chillax? on purpose?”
i am so very, very happy that you have brought this travesty to blog-light.
October 23rd, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Ha Ha Sound says:I think this is a case of a deli taking itself way too seriously. I don’t want entertainment from a deli. Is somebody going to juggle Sun Chips? I just want a sandwich, thanks.
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Jen says:I don’t get the toll free number thing. Anymore people pay peanuts to call a local number from a cell phone and maybe just a little more than that - if not the same thing - to call an area code outside of local. But whatever…
Who the hell invented the word “chillax”? Because I hate it.
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Val says:am i crazy…wasn’t this already posted?
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Clinton says:I refuse to chillax anywhere in public, at a deli or otherwise. Chillaxing should be done in the home, preferably with a loved one.
October 24th, 2007 at 8:53 am
Mark Maurer says:Midol is supposed to help with the cramps. Just saying.