News Stories I’d Like To See
Los Angeles (AP) - Rock band Nickelback announced today that it was totally joking when it released the song “Rockstar” and was completely stunned and embarassed by its success. “I can’t believe you people,” lead singer Chad Kroeger said in a statement to his fans. “You people are such suckers. You actually like that shit? Are you serious?” Fans, in reaction to the announcement, publicly burned every Nickelback album ever made. Those who despised Nickelback joined the crowd in the destruction, and roughly seven minutes later, world peace was achieved.
New York (UPI) - Mayor Michael Bloomberg today announced his latest congestion pricing initiative, aimed at reducing congestion on city sidewalks. The proposal will charge slower-moving pedestrians up to $8 per day for using Midtown sidewalks. In addition, Bloomberg said the NYPD will step up enforcement of a forgotten 1796 law that prohibits groups of more than two from walking in step in public. According to city historians, the punishment on the books for violating this law is death by stoning.
This entry was posted on Friday, September 7th, 2007 at 10:19 am and is filed under Odds and Ends. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
September 7th, 2007 at 11:23 am
brit says:i hate nickelback in general. i understand some people are into bands that record the same song repeatedly, but with different words (see: creed, matchbox 20). but rockstar is an abomination. it hurts.
September 7th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Benjamin Kabak says:What the shit is that Nickelback song? That’s terrible. Also, Kid Rock wants his Cowboy back…
September 10th, 2007 at 9:34 am
sid says:You really do have a knack for making New York sound like heaven on earth.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Neighbor says:Virginia Woolf noted the need for anti-in-step walking in London in the first paragraph of her “Voyage Out” almost 100 years ago!:
“As the streets that lead from the Strand to the Embankment are very narrow, it is better not to walk down them arm-in-arm. If you persist, lawyers’ clerks will have to make flying leaps into the mud; young lady typists will have to fidget behind you. In the streets of London where beauty goes unregarded, eccentricity must pay the penalty, and it is better not to be very tall, to wear a long blue cloak, or to beat the air with your left hand.”
September 14th, 2007 at 10:53 am
sam says:Would that the second piece were true.