east village idiot

Stupidity Prevention Manager

Department: Administration

Salary: $95,000-$115,000 

Posting Number: 0123STFU

Location: 180 Livingston Street, Brooklyn, NY

Start Date: As Soon As Possible

Responsibilities: Without direction from a single employee at the top and bottom of the MTA’s organization, the incumbent will be responsible for analyzing the day-to-day operations of the MTA New York City Subway system, including, but not limited to: identifying and eliminating glaring moments of stupidity within the system’s operations, administration, and personnel management; finding common-sense solutions to everyday problems that should have been solved decades ago; reminding subway personnel that they work for a service organization and are employed to serve the customer, not wallow in their own self-serving laziness; and smacking subway employees and management upside their heads for making completely illogical decisions such as:

1. Running empty Manhattan-bound 7 trains past thousands of fans standing at Shea Stadium station immediately following the end of a U.S. Open night session. 

2. Allowing a conductor to spend 20 seconds on a stopped N train at the 57th Street station explaining that “this is 57th Street-7th Avenue, the last stop on this train, 57th Street-7th Avenue is the last stop on this N train, this train will be going out of service. No passengers please, no passengers please,” then opening the doors to let everyone off of the train.

3. Providing absolutely no responsibilites to MTA “Station Agents,” who are paid outrageous amounts of money to sit in a subway station and provide inaccurate information to passengers while not maintaining the stations themselves or acting upon emergencies within their stations.

The incumbent may also be called upon to bust transit union bureaucracy to the extent that it affects day-to-day operations - provided that the incumbent recognizes the risk of death by union thugs.

Experience & Education: High school diploma preferred but not necessary, as even a grade-schooler could probably run this organization better.

Desired Skills: A level head; preferably a head that is as far removed from its ass as possible. Physical ability to literally shake common sense into other employees preferred.

TO APPLY, REFER TO JOB REQUISITION # & SEND TWO COPIES OF (RESUME & COVER LETTER) TO:

MR. SANDMAN, DIRECTOR OF THE MTA IN YOUR DREAMS
180 LIVINGSTON STREET
DREAMLAND, NY 11201

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 at 2:10 pm and is filed under Subway Stupidity, Life in NYC. Both comments and pings are currently closed.