east village idiot

It’s amazing what happens to your mind when you’re sick at home, on the couch, and in front of the TV for almost 24 straight hours. Some of the God-awful “Not Available In Stores” products you see advertised almost start to sound sensible.

Like there’s one for this paper cutter that has a light on it! So you’ll always know where you’re cutting! And it comes with different attachments! And it’s available for the low, low price of $19.99!

Great! I could use this during my next craft project. Because, you know, I’m doing craft projects all the time.

The thing that kills me about this ad is how they try to justify the use for this project. “Trying to cut a straight line with scissors is almost impossible,” the ad exclaims. Of course, rather than show that you could end up with a little bit of a jagged edge if you try to carefully use scissors (a more likely scenario), the ad demonstrates this claim by showing that anyone using scissors must be completely retarded.

“Oh my God! This happens to me all the time! I, too, have absolutely no depth perception and blindly slice into someone’s face when cutting wallet-size photos! I MUST get this product!”

After 24 hours in front of the TV, car ads are also becoming the death of me. It’s mind-boggling how many times I will see the same car ad in a single viewing. I feel a sense of pride knowing that car companies waste so much money reaching me, who has absolutely no need to buy a Mercury Milan - or any other car, for that matter.

You know who else doesn’t buy Mercurys? Anyone under the age of 62. This is why I am highly amused that they use twenty-somethings on a beach boardwalk to sell their cars.

“Hey, baby, how you doin’? I see you also have the same taste in crappy American cars. Wanna make out?”

Somehow, the suits in Detroit still wonder why American cars sell so badly.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007 at 9:57 am and is filed under General stupidity. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.