An Important Message from the MTA
MTA New York City Transit
Service Alert
Posted on:8/8/2007 4:27:05 PM
Due to a single droplet of water falling from the sky mistaken for rain that was actually condensation from an air conditioner in a 17th floor apartment, there are delays on the following subway lines:
trains are running between 14th Street and 18th Street in both directions.
and 
uptown trains will terminate at 96th Street, as they are afraid to go into Harlem.
, 
, and 
trains will be making two loops around Central Park before getting you to your destination, because they need some fresh air.
trains are enjoying a hot dog and beer at Willets Point-Shea Stadium and will resume normal operation once the game is over.
, 
, 
and 
trains are not running at all, because they really just don’t have time for your crap today.
trains are running express in Manhattan, enjoying the nice cool breeze they get from going 30 miles an hour.
and 
trains are stuck in some neighborhood in Queens that you’ve never heard of.
trains are currently experiencing an inferiority complex and will not run until further notice/counseling.
, 
, and 
trains are running normally, of course, since nobody ever uses these trains.
trains are running between Princeton Junction and Hoboken. We really can’t explain how they ended up there.
and 
trains are currently running on the Cyclone track at Coney Island-Stillwell Ave.
and 
trains are feeling nostalgic right now, and are currently running over the Brooklyn Bridge.
service is suspended between Times Square-42nd Street and Grand Central-42nd Street. You can just walk. You do have legs, don’t you?
We would apologize for the inconvience, but we like to watch you suffer. Thank you for riding with MTA New York City Transit!
This entry was posted on Thursday, August 9th, 2007 at 9:02 am and is filed under Subway Stupidity, Life in NYC. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
August 8th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
says:well played!
August 8th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
says:Bizarre isn’t it how the NY subway system and London Underground are so closely related? Made me giggle and wish I’d applied it to the Northern line et al (by the way the Northern line is definitely the tube line that needs major therapy, I’m surprised Kiley hasn’t taken it back with him for a serious 12 step rehab)
August 8th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
says:This is a serious question I pondered during my 3 hour commute to work today…. When the hell did it even rain?!?!
August 8th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
says:excellent job. the mta gets a whack with a wet noodle from the resident “idiot.”
August 8th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
says:HA!
Very nice my friend. I love it.
August 8th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
says:The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.
August 8th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
says:9.2/10
(the swedish judge gave the low score- clearly the swedes don’t understand humor)
August 9th, 2007 at 12:31 am
says:The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.
You missed the point. By about four miles.
August 9th, 2007 at 12:59 am
says:Indeed.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:33 am
says:Haha I love it!
August 9th, 2007 at 2:06 am
says:hardcore fucktards to the max
August 9th, 2007 at 9:13 am
says:that is so funny. what about the T??? THE T!
August 9th, 2007 at 9:48 am
says:This is a thing of beauty. Well done!
August 9th, 2007 at 10:30 am
says:Haha, awesome. I’m pondering joining the 7 for some good laughs at Shea.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:31 am
says:HA!…remember when there was a 9 train…what ever happened to the 9?
August 9th, 2007 at 10:52 am
says:I know i’m a little late commenting…
“The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.”
The 7 is the exact same with just one tiny extra stop. is this shuttle REALLY necessary?
August 9th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
says:Very funny. What the hell is wrong with the NYC MTA?
…..uh, and ConEdison=equally incompetent.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
says:HA!…remember when there was a 9 train…what ever happened to the 9?
9 train service ran skip-stop with the 1 in northern Manhattan and the Bronx. The MTA stopped 9 and skip-stop service in 2005 due to gentrification. There were too many clamoring to get on board the West Side IRT locals in the Washington Heights area and skip-stop service left too many people stranded. That was their logic at least.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
says:aww, all the colors look so pretty!
August 9th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
says:Heh heh, this was a great post. Nice!!!!
And the reason why I walk home three miles every day from work is because, even during a normal day, you can’t count on the MTA to get you where you need to go quickly.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
says:And the reason why I walk home three miles every day from work is because, even during a normal day, you can’t count on the MTA to get you where you need to go quickly.
That’s a bit extreme, no? I take the subway to and from work everyday. In general, it gets me there just fine.
August 9th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
says:I’ve waited 20 minutes for the 6 train before between 5:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. After being at work, the last thing I want to do is stand on a hot, humid subway platform.
I’d rather walk.
August 9th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
says:I waited 15 minutes for the 4/ 5 that morning until there was an announcement that there was no service on that line (no mention was made that most of the rest of the system wasn’t functioning either). Why did I wait that long? Because sometimes there is a delay that long on the 4/ 5.
In fact I credit my practice at finding alternate routes to work on a “normal” morning in case of an “incident” to making it to work on the 8th.
August 10th, 2007 at 1:02 am
says:[…] A plug: If anything goes wrong, I’ll have all of the service updates as soon as I get them. Meanwhile, Chris already has them now. […]
August 10th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
says:[…] An Important Message from the MTA [image]MTA New York City Transit Service Alert Posted on:8/8/2007 4:27:05 PM Due to a single drop […]
August 12th, 2007 at 10:33 am
says:Hahahah! I LOVE your love/hate relationship with the NYC subway system. This subway schedule should be posted everywhere. Every DAY.
August 19th, 2007 at 12:01 am
says:hi nice post, i enjoyed it
August 21st, 2007 at 1:37 am
says:I have been laughing at this post every other day for the past week and a half.
You should consider stand-up. And I need to get out more … or read some new blogs.
September 1st, 2007 at 7:40 am
Aliy says:this is GREAT!!!!
October 10th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Froggy says:It’s a good thing nobody at work pays much attention to what I do, because this had me laughing my ass off.
Well played sir, I applaud you!
October 10th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
distracted spunk says:Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Is there anyone else out there who wonders how the 4/5/6 is always the warmest train of all the lines despite being the newest, cleanest, and most modern? I always felt like I needed to dress for the occasion if I knew I needed to take the 4/5/6.