An Important Message from the MTA
August 9, 2007 – 9:02 am
MTA New York City Transit
Service Alert
Posted on:8/8/2007 4:27:05 PM
Due to a single droplet of water falling from the sky mistaken for rain that was actually condensation from an air conditioner in a 17th floor apartment, there are delays on the following subway lines:
trains are running between 14th Street and 18th Street in both directions.
and 
uptown trains will terminate at 96th Street, as they are afraid to go into Harlem.
, 
, and 
trains will be making two loops around Central Park before getting you to your destination, because they need some fresh air.
trains are enjoying a hot dog and beer at Willets Point-Shea Stadium and will resume normal operation once the game is over.
, 
, 
and 
trains are not running at all, because they really just don’t have time for your crap today.
trains are running express in Manhattan, enjoying the nice cool breeze they get from going 30 miles an hour.
and 
trains are stuck in some neighborhood in Queens that you’ve never heard of.
trains are currently experiencing an inferiority complex and will not run until further notice/counseling.
, 
, and 
trains are running normally, of course, since nobody ever uses these trains.
trains are running between Princeton Junction and Hoboken. We really can’t explain how they ended up there.
and 
trains are currently running on the Cyclone track at Coney Island-Stillwell Ave.
and 
trains are feeling nostalgic right now, and are currently running over the Brooklyn Bridge.
service is suspended between Times Square-42nd Street and Grand Central-42nd Street. You can just walk. You do have legs, don’t you?
We would apologize for the inconvience, but we like to watch you suffer. Thank you for riding with MTA New York City Transit!
31 Responses
well played!
By on Aug 8, 2007
Bizarre isn’t it how the NY subway system and London Underground are so closely related? Made me giggle and wish I’d applied it to the Northern line et al (by the way the Northern line is definitely the tube line that needs major therapy, I’m surprised Kiley hasn’t taken it back with him for a serious 12 step rehab)
By on Aug 8, 2007
This is a serious question I pondered during my 3 hour commute to work today…. When the hell did it even rain?!?!
By on Aug 8, 2007
excellent job. the mta gets a whack with a wet noodle from the resident “idiot.”
By on Aug 8, 2007
HA!
Very nice my friend. I love it.
By on Aug 8, 2007
The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.
By on Aug 8, 2007
9.2/10
(the swedish judge gave the low score- clearly the swedes don’t understand humor)
By on Aug 8, 2007
The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.
You missed the point. By about four miles.
By on Aug 9, 2007
Indeed.
By on Aug 9, 2007
Haha I love it!
By on Aug 9, 2007
hardcore fucktards to the max
By on Aug 9, 2007
that is so funny. what about the T??? THE T!
By on Aug 9, 2007
This is a thing of beauty. Well done!
By on Aug 9, 2007
Haha, awesome. I’m pondering joining the 7 for some good laughs at Shea.
By on Aug 9, 2007
HA!…remember when there was a 9 train…what ever happened to the 9?
By on Aug 9, 2007
I know i’m a little late commenting…
“The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.”
The 7 is the exact same with just one tiny extra stop. is this shuttle REALLY necessary?
By on Aug 9, 2007
Very funny. What the hell is wrong with the NYC MTA?
…..uh, and ConEdison=equally incompetent.
By on Aug 9, 2007
HA!…remember when there was a 9 train…what ever happened to the 9?
9 train service ran skip-stop with the 1 in northern Manhattan and the Bronx. The MTA stopped 9 and skip-stop service in 2005 due to gentrification. There were too many clamoring to get on board the West Side IRT locals in the Washington Heights area and skip-stop service left too many people stranded. That was their logic at least.
By on Aug 9, 2007
aww, all the colors look so pretty!
By on Aug 9, 2007
Heh heh, this was a great post. Nice!!!!
And the reason why I walk home three miles every day from work is because, even during a normal day, you can’t count on the MTA to get you where you need to go quickly.
By on Aug 9, 2007
And the reason why I walk home three miles every day from work is because, even during a normal day, you can’t count on the MTA to get you where you need to go quickly.
That’s a bit extreme, no? I take the subway to and from work everyday. In general, it gets me there just fine.
By on Aug 9, 2007
I’ve waited 20 minutes for the 6 train before between 5:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. After being at work, the last thing I want to do is stand on a hot, humid subway platform.
I’d rather walk.
By on Aug 9, 2007
I waited 15 minutes for the 4/ 5 that morning until there was an announcement that there was no service on that line (no mention was made that most of the rest of the system wasn’t functioning either). Why did I wait that long? Because sometimes there is a delay that long on the 4/ 5.
In fact I credit my practice at finding alternate routes to work on a “normal” morning in case of an “incident” to making it to work on the 8th.
By on Aug 9, 2007
Hahahah! I LOVE your love/hate relationship with the NYC subway system. This subway schedule should be posted everywhere. Every DAY.
By on Aug 12, 2007
hi nice post, i enjoyed it
By on Aug 19, 2007
I have been laughing at this post every other day for the past week and a half.
You should consider stand-up. And I need to get out more … or read some new blogs.
By on Aug 21, 2007
this is GREAT!!!!
By Aliy on Sep 1, 2007
It’s a good thing nobody at work pays much attention to what I do, because this had me laughing my ass off.
Well played sir, I applaud you!
By Froggy on Oct 10, 2007
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Is there anyone else out there who wonders how the 4/5/6 is always the warmest train of all the lines despite being the newest, cleanest, and most modern? I always felt like I needed to dress for the occasion if I knew I needed to take the 4/5/6.
By distracted spunk on Oct 10, 2007