The International House of Douchebags
I’ve come across a noticably high number of douchebags in the past couple weeks, and I must give them a place where they can feel welcomed and simply be accepted for their douchebaggery. Just imagine that we can cart them off to such a place where they will never be seen again. I present to you my first installment of a series that I am calling The International House of Douchebags…
Customer #1: Down in Front!
Location: Soho House, Meatpacking District
Date: 7/31/07
While it should not be at all a shock that I can find douchebags in their natural habitat (the Meatpacking District, at a members-only club), these particular douchebags really stand out above all the others. And for that, they deserves recognition.
At a rooftop movie screening, about six of us are sitting back in our deck chairs. The movie is being projected onto a massive screen that must be clearly visible from over a block away. The sound is audible from anywhere on the rooftop. The lights are dim. It’s very clear: people are watching a movie here.
But about halfway through the movie, a group of two thirty-something, slightly-balding men in blazers and two younger-looking attractive women in sundresses start to congregate directly in front of me in the middle of the deck. I’m enjoying the movie, and I will have none of this.
“Excuse me, could you guys move,” I ask, pointing to the screen. “We’re watching the movie.”
One of them turns to look at me, and gives me the biggest glare, as though I have just killed his game. Relax, dude. You took these chicks to Soho House. I’m sure they’re impressed already, and you don’t need to show off your smooth moves. He turns back around and restarts his conversation with his friends. The other three casually ignore me. I start to crane my neck around them and lean over, establishing the international signal for “You Are In My Way.” They don’t budge. They just keep on talking about mundane subjects, including Lindsay Lohan and their own nightlife exploits.
They never moved. Eventually, I had to move to watch the rest of the movie.
Thanks for reminding me why I never venture west of 8th Avenue. In this city, I’ve learned that there are plenty of stereotypes that can be broken, but when it comes to the slick-haired, well-dressed, cocktail-drinking, cash-wad-wielding, self-interested, thirty-something douchebag with arm candy, I’ve never been proven wrong.
So, to the douchebags who gave me the cold shoulder… I welcome you to the International House of Douchebags as our very first customers! Have a seat at table number 1. May you bask in the glory of the others that will undoubtedly follow in your footsteps.
This entry was posted on Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 at 3:53 pm and is filed under Life in NYC. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
August 2nd, 2007 at 4:26 pm
says:Welcome to the MePa District. You’ve perfectly described my observations/experiences with the self-inflating, pseudo-glamorous, uberly-overpriced, cocktail-sipping creatures who should be VIP members of IHOD.
August 2nd, 2007 at 7:35 pm
says:wicked cool. so whats the skinny on IHOD? how is the bottle service? me and my buds wanna check it out - hook a brutha up and put me on the list dewd.
August 2nd, 2007 at 8:53 pm
says:Key word was bald guy; no offenese but its always these bald guys that join these schlock places…..chicks really hate baldness…is amazing not sure if it signals old, or their frinds rag on them, etc
August 2nd, 2007 at 10:38 pm
says:why didn’t you just hit this asspie over the head with a bottle and then throw him over the railing? you would have been doing us all a tremendous favour.
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:19 am
says:Yep. You shoulda kicked his butt man… you should have…
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:30 am
says:I’m going to be in New York this week. Can you tell me any places to avoid so I won’t have to deal with too many douchebaggers? Thanks, AB.
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:56 am
says:Did those DB’s look anything like the ones here?
http://www.hcwdb.com/
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:31 am
says:abarclay12 - avoid the city altogether.
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:42 am
says:Actually, you should have called management. One of them is always around.
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:51 am
says:why the hell were you at the Soho House?
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:45 am
says:Even though you don’t seem too upset, that story made me want to put my fist through somone’s head. Fucking assholes… i hope the IHOD is a torture chamber.
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
says:I say screw being pasive aggressive with your neck-craning and loud-sighing. Take a more direct approach. This dude obviously doesn’t speak “polite person” or “grown up.” Next time, just pitch back, “Hey, fuck face. You make a better door than a window. Take your game about 6 inches to your left. Much obliged.”
August 3rd, 2007 at 1:42 pm
says:Yeah, I would’ve been a lot more aggressive about it too. If they didn’t move, you should’ve alerted the staff to their intense douchebaggery.
But for future reference, I do think you’d be happier staying out of the Meatpacking District altogether.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:14 pm
says:Yeah, I quit Soho House, not because of the douchebags, but because of the poseurs, which are essentially the same, I suppose.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:20 pm
says:I generally try to avoid people alltogether. If you don’t fight them, they ruin your day, and if you do fight them, they ruin your shirt with all the blood.
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:42 pm
says:Yeah, the Soho House has pretty much become NYC HQ for every douchebag in NYC. Yuck.