Your Fundraising Drives May Drive Me to Drink
Dear Alma Mater,
Can we talk?
You keep calling me. Constantly. Like an ex-girlfriend desparate to patch things up.
When the 607 area code pops up on my phone, you can bet that I won’t answer, but you don’t even bother to leave a message. Instead, you just keep stalking me. During the day. In the evenings. On weekends. I know it’s you, and I know why you’re calling.
Actually, the frequency of your calls is more like that of a debt collector. Which is funny, because you’re not calling to collect on the $40,000 of debt I’m in with you. Yes, you’re calling to ask me for money, but not to pay down my loan interest. You’re calling because you say that you need money from me.
You need money from me for your new “green” business school. Thanks for making my alma mater a contradiction in terms - a haven for capitalist hippies.
You need money from me for your new athletic center, which, based on the renderings, is pretty much the ugliest building ever conceived. I guess you forgot that you’re a Division III school, and I never even attended an athletic event in my four years there.
You need money from me for your new campus master plan, which would apparently make the campus more attractive. We did our part to make your campus attractive already; our senior class gift was a shiny new clock for the quad! Can’t you just be happy with that?
You need money from me to provide more grants to your students. How wonderful! You want me to help the less fortunate. Funny, thanks to you guys, I think I’m in a pretty unfortunate position myself (see: $40,000 of student debt).
Look, I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. But maybe you should have thought about this, say, eight years ago, when you offered me a financial aid package that made my parents cringe. Plus, I really haven’t seen much of these so-called benefits of the education you gave me, especially considering that the guy who sits next to me at work went to a $3,000-a-year public university.
So, can you just, you know, stop calling me? I’m just not ready for this kind of committment. It’s still just too early. You’ve been calling me on and off for the last four years, and it’s just not the right time. I promise that one day, when my debt is long-gone, I would be happy to donate something. Maybe I could even give enough that you’d slap my name on some fountain or garden or classroom or flagpole or wall. But now is not the time, okay?
Love,
Chris
This entry was posted on Monday, July 9th, 2007 at 12:22 pm and is filed under Life Before Blogging. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
July 9th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
says:…considering that the guy who sits next to me at work went to a $3,000-a-year public university…” SO totally true, Hahhaha classic!
July 9th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
says:Good call on that one. My Alma Mater just asked me for $$ to fund the rebuilding of the Business school building which is (gasp) a whole 10 years old! FYI I wasn’t even IN the business school.
July 9th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
says:Nice clock.
July 9th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
says:I once got a call from a current student who had been recruited to call alumni/ae for donations. She was so desperate that, when I offered to send in $5, she got really excited.
And it took me almost a year to send them a check for it.
July 9th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
says:Ah college. Where your $40,000 a year won’t get you phone, internet, OR cable.
I flat out told the caller “I spent $36,000 a year to go into a profession that offers $20,000 to start. I like my school, but don’t expect more money from me for at least 20 years.”
I actually haven’t recieved a call since.
July 9th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
says:I got a call the day after graduation asking for a donation. We didn’t even get a week to settle. If that isn’t desperate, I don’t know what is.
July 9th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
says:I whole heartliy agree with you, but I also feel lucky. As a fellow 02′ IC grad I have not recieved a call from them in over a year & a half, maybe I’m lucky and they don’t have my number.
July 9th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
says:I agree with Beej. I told them the same thing - that my education only qualified me for a position just above the poverty line (ok, double the poverty line…but still not enough to become a philanthropist). I haven’t gotten a phone call since…although I think it also helps that Ithaca College only has my home phone (=parents house 3000 miles away), not my cell.
July 9th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
says:Good lord do I hear you on the athletic center. My school wasn’t known for athletics (among those that had even heard of it), but it placed so much emphasis on sports that half the campus raised hell feeling discriminated against. They too built an ass-ugly athletic center and still haven’t torn down the old one.
And they still have the balls to call/mail/email me and my boyfriend and harass us for money. I’ve only been out a year!
July 9th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
says:Um how about how I used to be one of those people who called to inform you about recent college updates and to “let you know about the annual fund campaign” luckily for me though I went the SUNY route where I could proudly proclaim, “what you may not know is that less then 30% funding comes from the state of NY and in order to maintain a high quality education at an affordable (very) price we turn to our alumni for support, with that in mind would you be interesting in joining the President’s Gift Club Circle with a gift of $25o?!?!” Damn… I was good.
July 9th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
says:(Hi Chris- new reader really enjoying the blog)
Next time they call, pick up and immediately ask to be put on the Do Not Call list. This way they won’t keep calling-cause they will unless you tell them to stop. And, they really do put you on that list, it worked for me and I as well worked in the fundraising office at my alma matta.
July 10th, 2007 at 8:01 am
says:Great stuff, Chris… I too know the sting of the IC telemarketer. Very simple… I told them to rehire JoAnn Caplin and Chris Harper, or have a college leader call me to personally apologize for forcing out the two best faculty members at Park. I explained I would cut a check the moment that one of those two things happens. Strangely, I haven’t gotten another call.
July 10th, 2007 at 11:03 am
says:It has become one of my life’s missions to not let my two alma mater find me. So far, so good.
(Or maybe its that they just don’t want to find me.)
July 10th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
says:I feel your pain.
Though mine c0mes from Verizon Wireless to the tune of $127.00 that they’re still hunting me down for from 2003 on my corporate phone.
The “Ignore” button on my phone is getting a lot of action these days.