east village idiot

To: All Employees
From: The Management
Re: Summer Interns

In the past week, you may have noticed that there are dozens of fresh faces roaming the hallways of our building. These quasi-employees are eager to learn/observe/sit on the internet all day for school credit, and they’re occupying every available nook and cranny of our office. While interns pretty much amount to slave laborers, we want to treat our interns with at least a few ounces of respect.

Because of certain events in the past in which young interns became the objects of employee affection, we would like to make you aware of some extra measures we have taken in order to discourage “summer flings” with this year’s crop of interns.

To begin, we have hired both high school and college interns to serve in this office over the summer. However, we will not tell you which ones are which. As a gentle reminder, New York State’s age of consent is 17.

As has been the case in the past, some of this summer’s interns are the sons and daughters of upper management. This year, we have taken steps to protect their identities by changing their last names on their employee IDs and nameplates.

In addition, we will also ensure the chastity of our interns by instituting a new summer dress code. Beginning Monday, our female interns will be wearing festive company-issued burkas in our corporate colors. Because of this, office services will be maintaining our air conditioning at a comfortable 54 degrees, so we recommend bringing in a parka to wear around the office for the summer months.

Thank you in advance for your understanding regarding these additional measures. We hope that you will join us in making our interns feel welcome in our workplace. Just, you know, not too welcome.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 6th, 2007 at 2:37 pm and is filed under Life at Work. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.