New York: City of Peeves #51
The Geriatric Gaggle
Habitat: Before and after matinees at Lincoln Center
Description: Welcome to Florida in New York! No, not Florida, New York, the backwards town upstate with quite possibly the most deceptive name known to man. I’m talking about the scene around Lincoln Center on any given Saturday afternoon with a performance. You might as well be in the middle of the activities center of a retirement community in Boca Raton. I don’t think anyone in New York believed this many old people existed - let alone could make it into the city on their own.
Why, oh why, do I pick on the elderly? Well, they’re slow. Is it their fault? Not particularly. But add physical disability to mild dementia, and the result is the largest pedestrian clusterfuck since the Brooklyn Bridge on 9/11. Where are they going? They really have no idea. How are they getting there? Very, very slowly. Will they step aside and let you through? Probably not, as any sudden movement may result in their incontinence kicking in, and that would merely add another messy complication to this sidewalk disaster.
This particular peeve rates low on the scale of annoyance, as it can be easily avoided by staying away from any live theater event on any afternoon. Feel free to stray out for the 8pm performance on Saturday, because by then, these folks are already home in bed.
Rating on the Peevery Scale:
This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 16th, 2007 at 12:48 pm and is filed under City of Peeves. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
May 16th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
says:You should read this if you haven’t already. I found it very encouraging.
http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB117919274561702788.html?mod=blogs
p.s. I love your peevery scale. Hilarious
May 16th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
says:Try riding the M104 bus after a Lincoln Center performance (matinee, of course). It’s pure geriatric insanity AND you’re expected to give up your seat. It’s actually pretty cute, though.
May 16th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
says:As this is my first time here, I must try hard to make a good impression. What follows is my attempt at civility:
“I like your blog. I will check back frequently.”
May 16th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
says:Brunch, try riding any bus, anywhere during the daytime in NYC. Commuting from my apartment to the gym on the M11 during a weekday? Senior Express. It might as well have been the Atlantic City Direct based on how many geriatrics loaded on.
May 17th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
says:YOU MADE MY DAY. heh.
May 19th, 2007 at 8:39 am
says:one day, you wake up, and you’re old.
it surprises the fuck out of you…your mind still thinks it’s young, thinking you are still working on that fbi record (of which i am proud) and still smocking illegal stuff (which i still…um), still with perky bits. instead, you pass the mirror, and damn if it isn’t your mother looking back at you. the body sadly ages.
you don’t have to age with it… my dad hiked into the mountains of colorado and utah looking for the ancient ruins as an archaeologist until he was well into his 70’s and the big mind fuck disease took him.
he hated these old farts, and in the home, would swing his cane at them. more than once, he started geriatric rumbles.
he taught me you are as old as you want to be… i know 25 year olds who are ancient.
he’d have been bitching about the old shits blocking his path during the day and going to the 8pm show, going out for drinks afterwards, and able to discuss anything you threw at him, lacing it all with an acerbic wit that cut glass. he’d have been 80 in a couple of weeks, and i kinda miss him today.
May 19th, 2007 at 8:40 am
says:heh. i misspelled smoking.