Connecticut: Where Fun Comes to Die
I have a confession to make: I hate Connecticut. I hate it mainly because it is the state that lies between my home state (New York) and the state I grew up in (Rhode Island). I hate it because it takes forever to get through it, regardless of your chosen form of transportation. A bus ride to Providence advertised as three and a half hours takes six hours, because of traffic in Connecticut. A train ride to Providence advertised as less than three hours takes five hours, because of train congestion in Connecticut. A plane flight to Providence would probably be similarly delayed because of all the hot air that blows out of the douchebags in Fairfield County.
Did you know…
- …CONNECTICUT is actually an acronym for Condescending Opulent Nincompoops Navigate Expensive Cars, Their Indulgent Children Undermine Thriftiness?
- …the state motto of Connecticut is “In Burberry We Trust?”
- …Connecticut is home to more pricks than the Upper East Side; Murray Hill; and Short Hills, New Jersey combined?
- …the favorite hobbies of Connecticuters include tennis, bridge, and hogging the left lane?
- …the state seal of Connecticut includes a BMW and a polo shirt?
- …Connecticut is home to both Ann Coulter and John Mayer, making at least 10 square miles of the state the actual definition of hell?
- …Connecticut alcoholics’ beverage of choice after 8pm and on Sundays is mouthwash?
- …the top vacation destination for visitors to Connecticut is “how the hell did I get stuck going here?”
By the way, just for the record, I did a Google search of both the terms “Rhode Island Sucks” and “Connecticut Sucks.”
The winner? Connecticut, of course! 5,940 to 140. Among them, the Urban Dictionary page for Connecticut, with a post that embodies everything I hate Connecticut:
We are Mass. without the majorly annoying accents, and the Red Sox obsession(i don’t know if other parts of CT like the Red Sox). Houses range from a peice of crap being $500,000+, and a decent/nice house being $1,000,000+ at minimum. The school systems are great, but people go to Prep School anyway. This state is simply amazing.
[…]
There is no doubt this state is rich like me. The infamous Greenwich, Westport, Weston, Easton,New Caanan, Wilton, Darien. This state rocks my socks. And for that girl who lives in Westport (i live in Weston) New Jersey is a dumphole, trust me (it’s not just CT-ers who think this). Flip flops are not worn in the winter though….. Nevertheless we preps just by association. I love this state, but i must leave it cause it’s getting on my nerves!it’s too perfect!
Like, ohmigod, can I shoot your WASPy face off?
This entry was posted on Friday, December 1st, 2006 at 9:52 am and is filed under On the Road. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
December 1st, 2006 at 12:05 pm
says:CT: home of the khaki pant
why are CT cities so crappy? except Stamford.
December 1st, 2006 at 12:34 pm
says:Connecticut is terrible for driving, agreed! The Connecticut Turnpike has got to be the slowest-average-speed interstate in the U.S. When we drive to Vermont, it’s always Connecticut that slows us down, and miserably. And you can’t get around 1-95; The Merritt Parkway is just as bad and I-84 sucks, too. The whole interstate system in Connecticut sucks!
December 1st, 2006 at 12:49 pm
says:Chris, you’re a fucking idiot
December 1st, 2006 at 12:49 pm
says:I’ve solved the CT problem by skipping it. Drive up the Taconic in New York to the Thruway. Take the Pike across the rest of the Mass. While the mileage is more, it actually takes less time to get to most places in New England that way because CT sucks up time like a cheap whore.
Of course, if you’re going to Rhode Island you’re SOL that way.
December 1st, 2006 at 2:46 pm
says:Well I know complaining is a big part of your schtick, but how about instead of getting annoyed at things you can’t change, why don’t you accept CT and celebrate its good qualities?
For example, next time you are all pissy on the endless drive through the state, why not take a road-side pit stop at one of its many heralded hot dog stands ? If a double chili dog from Dannys or deep fried Rawley’s weenie can’t cheer you up, then you, sourpuss, are a lost cause.
Oh, and I motion that you secretly love the Snaab-driving prepsters because their very existance serves to validate the hipster persona for which you strive to ascertain.
December 1st, 2006 at 2:54 pm
says:Okay, I take the second part of my above comment back. You bag on hipsters here just as much as preppy kids.
But I hold firm re: the hot dog stands!!
December 1st, 2006 at 4:37 pm
says:Particularly notable are the town names. My least favorite Amtrak stop while going back and forth to college was Old Saybrook. I still can’t figure out why the train stopped there.
December 1st, 2006 at 4:39 pm
says:I mostly feel bad for Connecticut. I feel that it could have such potential if it could just get away from its residents. Sort of like when you’re in middle school and your mom won’t let you hang out with the latch-key kids because they’re a bad influence. ALSO, and wholly unrelated, that is quite the cute photo you’ve got.
December 1st, 2006 at 4:59 pm
says:Audrey, it’s obvious that Amtrak stops there because it’s on the mouth of the Connecticut River, and therefore, a huge trading post.
Oh, wait, it’s the 21st century.
December 1st, 2006 at 6:45 pm
says:i don’t like connecticut or new jersey either, but aren’t you a bit confused here? your home state is new york, but you grew up in rhode island? tell me where you’re from then. if you say new york city you’re an idiot.
December 2nd, 2006 at 12:38 am
says:Remember, CT. is the home of LYME DISEASE!
December 2nd, 2006 at 10:50 am
says:I like how everyone leaves out Hartford cuz it doesn’t fit in with the rest of CT at all haha. I’m from MA and CT was vaguely useful to us… for some reason the cheapest/easiest way for su to get to NYC was to drive a few hours to CT, then take a commuter rail to the city. Also, Hartford airport was only an hour from us, as opposed to Logan in Boston being 2.5 hours. So CT was sorta useful. In a “yay I get to use it but not live there” sort of way…
December 2nd, 2006 at 10:58 am
says:Stamford is a DUMP. & it was the longest state to get through until Massachusetts, on way to Fenway Park.
December 2nd, 2006 at 1:35 pm
says:The Connecticut river, its mouth and all other associated body parts are completely off of my radar. I had no idea. I stand corrected.
Rivers = boats. Oooh, boats.
December 14th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
says:Have you ever been to Bradley Airport? Ick. I used to call Midway in Chicago the Omaha of airports as if that was so terrible; well, Bradley seems like the Des Moines of airports. Or perhaps that would be too kind. Maybe the Boise of airports.
December 29th, 2006 at 10:12 am
says:[…] the Booze Train Jump to Comments I talk a lot of smack about Connecticut. But on a 2-hour train ride back into the city, I wassandwiched in a middle seat on Metro-North between a guy who smelled musty and someone’s dog in a carrying case. The musty smell, when the breeze was blowing just right, made me gag. The dog, which I am allergic to, made me sneeze and wheeze. Luckily, I could seek solace in the the next car of the train: the bar car. […]
January 24th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
says:It’s baffling how strikingly different it is here in Fairfield (million dolla homes, popped collars galore) and Bridgeport (from what I know, poverty reigns supreme). I agree, it sucks in CT. I can’t wait to graduate and move back to NY.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
says:[…] Oh, you also reaffirmed the fact that Connecticut sucks. […]