Right on Target
July 12, 2006 – 3:53 pmIn case you didn’t get the memo, the Department of Homeland Security created a list of potential terrorist targets in the United States. Among all states, Indiana led the list with over 8,000 targets. Even New York State only had about 5,000 (the Statue of Liberty? Not on the list. Empire State Building? Not invited to the party). According to DHS, though, we must protect these national treasures!
The terrorists hate popcorn. Especially popcorn from Indiana.
This bratwurst stand at the Apple ‘N Pork Festival in Clinton, Illinois must be protected from the evil-doers!
If you don’t like sweet, furry barnyard animals from Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo in Woodville, Alabama, then you obviously hate America.
Finally, we must take action to save our nation’s most precious asset: the BeanFest and Championship Outhouse Races in Mountain View, Arkansas.
If we can’t let toothless yokels race down a hill in outhouses on wheels immediately after consuming 2 pounds of beans and cornbread, then the terrorists have truly won.
6 Responses
You are too funny. I love your blog.
By on Jul 12, 2006
The French gave us the Statue of Liberty and since the French hate America (along with the ACLU and the NY Times), the terrorists would never blow it up.
That outhouse race on the other hand, that is something we need to protect(and try to get into the Olypmics as an official sport)!
By on Jul 13, 2006
Technically, it’s thanks to the French that America is even a nation, so by that theory, everywhere should be safe …
By on Jul 13, 2006
I’ll have you know that Amish Country Popcorn got Tales of a Delectable Redhead to where she is today.
By on Jul 17, 2006
Hey, I used to live in Clinton, Illinois and I just want to say I would happily collaborate with terrorists in order to blow up the Pork ‘N Dork (local slang) Bratwurst stand, along with the rest of the festival. Apple N Pork brings out the very finest idiots Clinton has to offer and makes getting anything done in town virtually impossible.
By on Nov 6, 2006
It’s a government organization, what more do you expect? They probably spent 50,000 dollars purchasing the paper to publish the stupid report on.
By on Nov 14, 2006